HNT: Reflections...

Mirror, mirror on the wall....who in the land is fairest of them all...

What is the first thing women do when they try on some new clothes or lingerie? Look in the mirror to see how it makes their ass look....and I got busted doing it! Happy HNT all!

Don't forget to swing by O's to see who else is playing along this week!

HNT: Copy cat....

I saw a picture somewhere recently, and stuffed if I can remember where, that looked a lot like this shot. It intrigued me and inspired me to try and replicate it 'cause I thought it looked so damn cute and sexy. 

And for the record...I hate g-strings!

Make sure you check out O's to see who else is playing along this week...HHNT!

In his words...

For this next post I had a completely different man lined up entirely. Generally, as a rule I blog in order of fun had and men fucked. But the post about the next one in the line-up is still languishing in my drafts folder and rather neatly the man that follows him has done the unbelievable and actually written the post about how we met and the fuck that followed, how freaking cool is that?

No, he doesn't know about my blog. So how can he write the post you ask? Well he rather sweetly wrote his account of how we met and what followed. He was going to surprise me with the link to the story when it was published online. Seriously cute eh? So being the lazy tart that I am, you all get to read it too by the magic of copy and paste :)

So without further ado, let me introduce you to The Traveller....

Recently I met a thoroughly intoxicating woman on an online dating site, and had shared some wonderfully erotic emails with her.  The subject matter of these being tentative at first, but rapidly transforming into hot and steamy descriptions of what we were going to do to each other should we meet, with me trying with every ounce of some long forgotten skills to draw her deeper and deeper into a shared fantasy.

After about a week the online heat had become so intense that we arranged a day to meet.  Once this date was set, I was forced to pass five agonising nights waiting for the day to come.  Each night, the fantasies of what was about to occur becoming more and more vivid, making the concept of sleep harder and harder to grasp.

Wednesday, the appointed day drew bright and clear and I fairly leaped into my car for a three hour journey to have dinner, and possibly more with this mystery woman I felt I already intimately knew.  

Arriving at the restaurant early, I mentally prepared myself for both the best and worst scenarios.  Then, at exactly the appointed time, I caught a glimpse of her out of the corner of my eye reaching the door and she entered, making straight for where I was standing.

My brain hastily took in every curve of her petite body, man what a body, and searched for any indication on her face that she didn’t like what she saw, and was about to make a hasty retreat.  All the while my heartbeat kicked into overdrive as the lust of the previous two weeks came back in a rush.  She smiled and kissed me.

My God, I wanted to tell her to forget dinner and take her back to the hotel and lose myself in her there and then, but this was her party and I guess you have to give someone the opportunity to back out gracefully.

Dinner was full of conversation about family, kids and remembered snippets of the hot and steamy emails, seemingly elevating the temperature in the restaurant to uncomfortable levels.

Nearing the end of dinner I said, “Well, you haven’t run screaming yet, so I guess I should take this as a good sign that the night is only just beginning?”

With a wicked smile and a voice like honey she said, “Oh yes, you are definitely going to get fucked tonight.  In fact you should already be exhausted, because I have fucked you so many times already today in my mind.”

We exited my car at the hotel and waited while a couple of older ladies entered the elevator ahead of us.  I didn’t want to be in there with them so held off.  Christ, I was almost throwing myself at her before we got to the elevator doors.

Once inside the room we took off out coats and went to the sofa.

She immediately straddled me, leant over and said, “Isn’t this where we started?”  She was referring to the beginning of my email fantasy days earlier of her straddling me and removing her clothes.

We kissed hard and she stood and removed all her clothes except for her sexy black lingerie and then resumed her position.  I kissed her lips and neck while my hands slid all over this new and beautiful body, helping her to remove my clothes.

Her breasts where small an erect, I took her nipple into my mouth and gently sucked on it while the end of my tongue circled its extremities.  She gave a soft moan of pleasure.  My hands and mouth were getting feverish as my senses were overloaded with her smell, her warmth and her eyes on me.  

“My God you are so sexy,” I managed to murmur as she gave me another wicked smile.

I stood and picked her completely up, turning around and gently lowering her on her back to the sofa.  I kissed my way down her stomach, around her lower legs and inner thighs before pulling aside her panties to reveal the most beautiful pussy I had ever seen.

“I told you it was a porn-star pussy,” she smiled.

I pulled her panties off and teased the end of my tongue over her pussy lips. She tasted so good.  I couldn’t get enough and clamped my mouth over it with the full length of my tongue pushing her pussy lips apart, while her hand pushed the top of my head harder into her.

After a few minutes we stood and moved to the bed.  She peeled my boxer shorts over my erection and laid me down on my back.  She took my cock in her hand and traced her tongue up the shaft.  I took a sharp intake of breath as her mouth closed around the head of my cock and she started sucking up and down its length.

Looking up at me she stopped and said, “Now that was the look on your face I was looking for”.

I had her straddle my face with her leaning over the headboard of the bed and started eating her pussy with all the skill I possessed.  I inserted first one finger inside her, while I was concentrating the tip of my tongue all over her clit.

She start to moan and sway,  I inserted two fingers inside her overheating pussy and finger fucked her faster and faster,  her hips and pussy starting to quiver more and more as she reached her orgasm.  Her orgasm peaked and she slumped over onto her back on the bed with me trying desperately to maintain the suction on her now over sensitive clit.

Once she had recovered I moved over her and she guided my rigid cock into her.  Oh, she was so hot and wet and such a perfect fit.  I pushed in slow strokes getting used to the feel of this sexy, amazing woman.  She rolled me over onto my back and rode me while asking what my favourite position was.

“You’re in it,” I said.  “I just love the woman on top!”

She replied, “Yeah I like it too, but I am really lazy, and don’t like to do all the work.”

That was all the prompting I needed and I picked her clean up again and stood her up, my cock sliding out of her.  Looking around I saw a large cushioned chair and carried her over and lent her forward over it.

I opened her legs and entered her from behind.  This position allowing me to really start pumping in and out of that beautiful pussy,  I became mesmerised by the cross tattoo at the small of her back, that and the rhythmic motion of my fucking creating a non-reality moment.

I thought, “Oh my God.  Is this really happening?”

Our dual moans were becoming more urgent.  I flipped us back on the bed with me on top of her.  I started pushing in and out of her faster and faster, the friction of her pussy against my cock bringing me closer and closer.  My balls were roiling with the need for release.

At the last moment I pulled out of her, my cum sprayed over her stomach and into her sweetly pierced belly button.  I collapsed on top of her, my warm seed smearing together between us, both of us breathing hard.  Once I came to my senses we kissed passionately and moved apart.

We spent the next short while in bed kissing, caressing and further exploring each other’s forms as semi strangers will, with me amazed at the events that had led to me being there at that moment, in the arms of an incredibly sexy, passionate woman.

The second fuck was slow and sensual, with me alternately trapping her hands and arms above her head or madly kissing her, my fingers tangled in her long hair.  We stayed like that until my body couldn’t possibly respond in the required fashion and I was totally, physically spent.

After a couple of hours she decided that she needed to get home for her ‘beauty sleep’ so we got dressed and started the drawn out dance of parting.  We often stopped talking to kiss and ramp up that heat which had so marked us throughout the night.

When we reached where she had left her car we looked at each other.

“I want to fuck you again,” she said, all the while smiling that wicked smile.

“That is more than fine with me,” I said.

She hopped out of the car and left.

Damned if I won’t move heaven and earth to make sure that promise is fulfilled!

I hope you have all enjoyed his version of how we met!

HNT: Disorganised...

This weeks HNT is another one out of the reject pile...I have been too disorganised to sort out a better/proper HNT. I feel like I have had one of those weeks where you run around chasing your tail and not achieving very much at all. I hate it. I like order, organisation and routine. I hate being out of kilter like that. And its not that I haven't achieved, I have....but it feels like just not quite enough. Next week I will indeed be more organised :)

To see who else is playing along this week, mosey on over to O's! Happy HNT all.

And we have a new record...

14 minutes....the longest damn fourteen minutes of my life! It took me that long to scull my Sav and leave, which quite frankly was about Ooooo 12 minutes too long in my humble opinion. Hey I was being polite...so here I am, rather trollied on a glass of wine which I managed to drink rather too quickly... (thank fuck for spell check I say!)

Y'all were thinking I was talking about a fuck didnt you? Dirty deviants...bless ya. No, it was the meeting from hell, fourteen minutes from hell. You know, when you see someone's picture, you kind of assume (possibly rather kindly) that they will indeed resemble said picture and to be fair he probably did....10 years ago. When someone describes their body shape as average, you expect average and to be fair it probably was....10 years ago. Not quite sure how this one slipped under my radar...

Seriously...the next post will be about someone fuckable, fuckalicious even! This teaser was never meant to happen...

I wish I were a dawg....

In my hunt for the perfect male specimen to fuck I actually have to answer messages these potentially glorious shag buddies send me. I do indeed wish I could say that I stun them with my wit, talent for the written word and my hot, shiny personality that no doubt shows through every keystroke and word I write...sadly I do not. Apparently all it takes is one severely cropped HNT picture (an actual picture of me, no less) and a shot of my sweet face to have these adonis (adoni? what is the plural for that??) clamouring for a meeting with little ol' moi. Which really does suck the fun right out of it, doesn't it?

I really do wish I could tell tall tales of how I woo them with my witty, crafty messages...nope, which in turn makes for fuck all blog fodder. And goodness knows, they never send me any particularly entertaining messages or witty introductions.....a lot of cock shots though, maybe I should start posting them up here, no?

The sad, sad truth is...two pictures, a wee bit of written word from me, which I am sure is not even read properly and viola! coffee, or a nice glass of Sav with a hot man (please let him be hot) awaits (prefer the Sav, so sick of burning my mouth on hot coffee!)

Ergo, so many tales of my fucking and debauchery go untold. Why? well I cannot entertain my readers with the hunt and gather process and 9/10 times I am sculling my Sav on first meeting. Of those that make it through to actually seeing me naked, well, lets say there is well, some really average sex that goes on. It not to say its not good sex, but its average, lovely but average. No swinging from the chandeliers, no strap-ons, no handcuffs, no spanking. And really, how many times can you doll up average looking sex to make it sound, hot sweaty and exciting?

So I am inventing a new method of telling tales of fucking and average debauchery....a simple introduction, highlight of the event and with that the faint hope that one or two of you out there crack a wee bit of a hard on...just a wee rise even?...gimme a break, I'm trying!

So without further ado, let me introduce you to....

HNT: The winter blues...

Winter is the time for comfort, for good food and warmth, for the touch of a friendly hand and for a talk beside the fire:  it is the time for home.  ~Edith Sitwell

It's fair to say that I am not a huge fan of winter, I most definitely prefer summer with the long days, hot weather, warm sea breezes and being able to get away with wearing as little as possible. But as the quote says, there are some lovely things about winter too!

Happy HNT all and don't forget to check out O's to see who else is playing along this week.

I opened my eyes to discover...

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I don't know...

I wrote a long venty post a while ago about men looking for NSA sex and how I thought that such a beast did not truly exist. [As a side note, go and read the comments, they are absolutely fantastic, better than the post itself!]

Florida Dom turned the question on me and asked 'What do I want?' It has taken me this long to post a reply because I have been giving this some very serious thought, my conclusion....I don't know.

I have a few experiences under my belt now, I have tried out a couple of different men and relationships/scenarios and I still don't know quite what I want. However I do know what I don't want. I do not want some cold, meaningless NSA fuck with some random guy. That is so not me.

I want someone that will be around for a while, someone who you can develop a level of mutual trust and friendship with. Do I want to go as far as having a secondary relationship again? I don't know, I am still feeling a bit gun shy on that one!

More than just a fuck and less than a relationship....leaves it pretty wide open eh? And this post is not a particularly good answer to what is a very thought provoking question!

HNT: Sensible...

Have you ever looked at a woman walking down the street in her every day clothes, maybe its her office uniform or perhaps a stylish, cute outfit to meet friends for lunch in. Have you ever looked at her and wondered to yourself what she is wearing underneath? What lurks under that sensible looking exterior?

Click the picture to see what I was wearing under my sensible exterior today...

Happy HNT all, don't forget to head over to O's to see who else is playing along this week!

I miss...

[This is one of those posts that you write, that ends up languishing in your drafts folder because you never quite find the right moment to post it, or indeed it never really needs posting. But sometimes, well sometimes you should push that publish button...]

I miss...

• The smell of his skin
• The way he used to make me laugh
• Lust, the way we lusted after each other and how that made me feel
• How I could really tell him my every dirty thought

I don't miss...

• How everything always had to be on his terms
• Being shut out
• The cold and careless way he treated me
• Wondering...

I fell in love with the relationship we had, how that made me feel, the excitement of it. I thought perhaps I was in love with him, but no, it was what we had not him. I miss that. I am sad that its gone and it will never be again. In the end though, the bad really did outweigh the good.

Yet another catch up post...

You know, I feel like all I do on this blog is pop up HNT's (sporadically) and write catch up posts. I really need to get my shit together and start writing some decent stuff. And I do have decent stuff to write about! Anyway, back to the catch up....

If you look around, you may notice a few subtle changes. I went through a moment of thinking I was going to start afresh, or maybe change the name of the blog, or maybe even just can it altogether. In the end I decided that, well I like the name, I didn't really want to start afresh and I love writing too much to get rid of it. Besides, my history is what makes me, well me. It stays along with the blog. But I have had fun makes some changes and adding some new bits.

Last weekend The H and I went away for a fantastic weekend away together. We had a blast spending time together without the kids around and the stress of work. Two whole days of just us....bliss! Of course we couldn't resist the opportunity to spend two nights exploring the swingers club that we visited last time we were up there for our wedding anniversary. On the first night, we boldly and bravely swapped with another couple! Interesting experience and not without its own wee speed bump afterwards, but never-the-less, very exciting! The second night was more about hanging out, meeting new people, reacquainting ourselves with ones we had met the night before and watching....oh I do love watching, I'm such a voyeur!

Unfortunately we didn't get the chance to take heaps of awesome pictures for upcoming HNT's, we were ummm distracted by other stuff...and talking about pictures, we have been offered an opportunity to have a free 3 - 4 hour photo shoot with a professional photographer, free because he wants to expand his portfolio using 'real' people....the catch? doing it naked and getting naughty with each other at the same time. Out of curiosity....how many of you out there would do this? I would be interested to know if you would??

That pretty much covers the 'catch up' I have a few other bits and pieces of news but I don't want to spoil posts before I even write them!

HNT: HNT 5th Birthday...

The theme to celebrate HNT's 5th birthday was to find your first or earliest you could find, HNT picture and post it up along with a recreation of that picture. For me, this wasn't so hard since I have only been participating in HNT's for 33 weeks. But in saying that, that first picture I used was actually taken in 2007! Its a picture I used to use as my profile picture on AFF. I think I managed to find nearly everything to duplicate the picture except for the lingerie...

Go check out O's to see who else is playing along this week.

HNT: My view...

As I slide my jeans over my hips, this is my view....I am thinking of you and of what we are about to do....

Happy HNT all! Now go and check out O's to see who else is playing along this week, Oooh and I heard he has the most fab MG this week :)

A fuck and nothing but a fuck?

I got a message on AFF today (yes I know, the place is like a train wreck for me, can't keep away from it!) from a guy and its pretty much said this...."I am in a flat marriage and I am not looking to change my situation at the moment. I am looking for 'no strings' kind of arrangement" Now, for some reason, this message annoyed me today more than it does on any other day and whilst I didn't reply to him, I have a couple of things to say about this....


For a start, BULLSHIT! Your trying to tell me that your going to spend the next 40 years of your life married to a woman that is not interested in or doesn't want to fuck you. Well, a big fat hairy bollocks to that! If you don't want to change your situation, why is it your messaging me for sex, you do indeed want change. You want sex, that is change. If you truly do not want change, get rid of your profile and sit at home having a quick wank in the loo occasionally, that is not changing your situation.


Secondly...'no strings' ? I have issues with this statement. Big ones. The only 'no strings' fuck that exists in this world is one you pay for. That's right, paying for sex will guarantee that there are no strings....you want her body/orifices, she wants your cash. Its a simple, straight up business transaction. I mean, seriously, do you really think you are going to find a woman out there that is going to whore herself to you for free? You may be lucky enough to find that, but most women have a bit more self respect than that, so there will be strings and there will be expectations.


Which leads me to wonder, if a man doesn't want to go to the ATM and get some cash out to buy a 'no strings' fuck, why are they looking for sex on these sites? There is no doubt a proportion of men that are simply too cheap to pay for it....but then why shell out for a membership on a 'adult dating website'?? Or are men maybe looking for something that is a bit more than just sex?


There is a saying that goes 'Women need to feel loved to have sex, men need to have sex to feel loved' or something along those lines. So are these men looking for that little bit more that goes with sex? Perhaps a bit of intimacy, physical affection, touching, wanting to be desired and wanted by someone? I get the 'no strings' aspect of not wanting a relationship/stalker/emotional commitment. But is all simply about the fuck?


So I am going to put this question out there....For all you guys out there, does looking for 'no strings' sex mean:

• I am too cheap to pay for sex?
• I want good sex with someone and I can give/receive physical affection with but I don't want to commit myself to?
• Its just sex, I am sick of wanking and I really don't want or need the cuddles?

Stockings...

The only thing I love about winter....stockings! Fabulous for keeping your legs warm, making you feel as sexy as hell and for those moments when you need to tie someone up...Oh what? like you all never think about doing that :)

Now head on over to O's and see who else is playing along this week!

I have been a bad, bad blogger lately, no HNT last week and too long since my last decent post. Life, well mainly work seems to be getting in the way at the moment. But I promise and update...soon! And it looks like I will be spending what is going to turn out to be a wet weekend catching up some blog reading.

Boobquake!

Start of the boobquake....yep, April 26th is the beginning of a massive boobquake that is set to rock the world. Why? Well some cleric in Iran declared that last week that immodest dress and promiscuity of women was to blame for earthquake...uh huh.....Sooo the internet being what it is, this sparked Jen McCreight to write a blog post and create boobquake day

So I challenge you all to get out your lowest cut tops and dare to bare your cleavage in support of the boobquake.....since we all know that showing your boobs does not cause earthquakes!

Go and check out Curvaceous Dee for a far better explanation and links to bookquake :)

HNT: Blurry

'Every thing's so blurry
And everyone's so fake
And everybody's empty
And everything is so messed up
Preoccupied without you
I cannot live at all
My whole world surrounds you
I stumble then I crawl'

                                        - Puddle of Mudd

Happy HNT all and don't forget to check out O's to see who else is playing along!

One fucked up Friday night...

I adore test driving a new lover. The thrill, the anticipation of it all. Lets face it, its hot! So this particular Friday night I had a new man to try out. We shall call him The Cowboy, for reasons I am not going to explain. But before I went to meet up with him, I caught with my friends for our usual Friday night drinks after work [after all, men come and go, girlfriends last forever(ish) ergo important to keep in touch] 

So there I was, sipping my glass of house Sav blanc when I spotted a bit of something tasty a couple of tables over having his Friday night drinks with work colleagues. I clocked the wedding ring after checking out his nice tight arse and with one more [possibly fatal, hey I need the dutch courage for The Cowboy] house Sav sliding down I made the decision to be bold, brave and daring....as ya do when you have quite clearly more than enough to drink.


I whipped out one of my business cards and wrote my cellphone number on the back and a formulated a plan to drop it in his lap as I made my move to leave. Outstanding plan so far? As it turns out, as I was getting up and leaving, so was he. I managed to catch him just out side the door and I slipped my business card into his pocket as I walked past him, the rest of the plan being he went his way and I went mine. Yeah I know, slick move right?


Well the first bit went exceedingly well, the business card managed to end up in his pocket but it turned out he was walking in the same direction as me. He pulled my card out of his pocket and said 'Wow, what's this?' I just flashed him a grin and kept walking. So then he starts reading out my card, specifically my name. He then turns to me and asks ' So do you know what my name is?' I think I avoided rolling my eyes at him [ I mean really, what a question] I shook my head and said 'No, what's your name?' 'My name is Paul xxxxxxxxx' he replied.


OMFG we shared the same last name! I mean really, what are the odds, especially given I do not have a very common last name. As we walked towards our cars we chatted about how we hoped we weren't related and he told me how he works just around the corner from me. As we came up beside his car I wished him a good weekend and a good night. As I walked away I could tell he was checking out my arse [as us women just can tell]. I got to my car and as I was climbing in he pulled up beside me and dropped down the window. 'So its ok if I call you?' he asked.....'Oh yes, absolutely!' was my reply. Same last name...some days I wonder if only shit like that happens to me...


So with one daring act out of the way it was off to spend sometime with The Cowboy. Now usually to cover up my nervousness I tend to be rather bold. So on arrival and after the pleasantries I decided to break the ice by whipping off my dress and straddling his lap wearing only my underwear, so far so good. Ice was broken and things started to move along swimmingly. His clothes came off as did the rest of my underwear. A bed was found and we started to get down and dirty with our nekkidness, until I noticed a small problem with the scenario.


He seemed to be, ummm well, rather soft and I don't mean that in a 'lovely soft skin' kind of way. A vital ingredient was definitely missing for our night of passion. Now I know that this is a hard thing to deal with when your a guy. Sometimes the mind is willing but the body just isn't playing along. So I started digging into my wee bag of tricks to see if I can get an... ahem... 'rise' out of him. Nothing really appeared to be working. Nothing. At. All. Short of me sticking my finger up his butt and I so wasn't going there, I couldn't see a solution to this particular issue.


Then he starts apologising, which as you all well know just makes it all worse. You kinda have two choices at that moment. Be a bitch, throw your clothes and high tail it out of there or hang it in there and try your damnedest to try and make him feel better. I chose the latter and suggested we just cuddle for a while. So we lay there and cuddle and I try to distract his mind with some varied and no doubt inane chatter about all sorts of stuff, all the while stroking my hands over him...in the interests of brevity I will skip the hours worth of this...and finally he begins to relax and engage in the conversation. Then finally, my wandering hands notice that he's rising to the occasion, presumable as a result of just chilling out and my gentle stroking, hopefully it wasn't the story I was telling about riding elephants in Thailand I happened to be telling at the time [don't want to ponder the possibilities of this]


Anyway, with all the necessary ingredients present and correct to carry on our 'big night of fun' we start rolling around and he enters me...mmmm....he puts in a couple of long hard thrusts and I utter those [possibly fatal] words 'Oh yes, thats it, fuck me harder'....


And that, was pretty much that. I guessed that he wasn't going to return the orgasm favour when he rolled off and offered me a cup of tea [wtf is with men and offering tea after sex?] I politely declined his lovely offer of tea and this time threw my clothes on and high tailed it out of there. Seriously, I sometimes wonder, does only this kinda shit happen to me?

Make me...

....I was enjoying the moment. The sensations. Me on top of you, sliding your hard cock between my pussy lips. Teasing my clit with you. Your hands on my waist, urging me back and forth. My head down, hair swaying with the rhythm of the moment.

'Climb on my cock Babe, I want to be inside you'

I raised my head and looked you in the eye with an evil grin on my face.

'Make me...'

The next moment I find myself over your lap, face pressed hard down onto the mattress. Your hand spanking my arse none too gently. It happened so fast, I barely had time to squeal in surprise. After several more hard slaps you stopped. I raised my head off the mattress and look at you in complete shock.

'Now back to my cock...'

With a wee smile, I couldn't help but comply with your wish....

A huge thanks to Kimberly for organising this months 'May I seduce you'. Make sure you go and check out these other wonderful bloggers to see their take on this months tag line.

Spring Flower
Ms Scarlett
Panserbjorn
Adulterous Letch
The Duchess

Veronica 

Topaz

Bdenied 

Ronjazz 

Britni

Me

Gray

Kimberly

 

HNT: Rewind...

'In life, there is no pause button, no rewind and definitely no replay' - Anon

Happy HNT all and don't forget to check out O's to see who else is playing along.

The beginning...

I know that I left you all with my last post [now removed] thinking that my marriage had ended and to be fair I really thought it had. [Although I do have a tendency toward rash impetuousness, hence the last post] But I thought I had reached the end of the road where there was nothing left. It was all too hard, too complicated and I just didn't want to go on with it any more. The H too was prepared to walk away, he was over the drama, the bullshit and my inability to express myself. There was no 'World War Three' type argument. It was very calm, calm in that icy, terrifying kind of way. Our house of cards had completely fallen down.


Sometimes in order to rebuild something you need to pull it apart completely. It has to crash and burn totally and utterly, so out of the ashes something new and solid can emerge. My marriage was like a house that had one too many renovations done on it. Add ons here, add ons there. The main structure started to destabilise because of all these add ons. It needed to be pulled down and a new, fresh start to emerge. From the outside it looked great, the perfect 'chocolate box' picture of the ideal. Inside however, was a completely different story. There were crack appearing, huge cracks that no amount of plaster was ever going to cover over. Our foundations were still there as we discovered through talking, but that's all we had left, was a foundation of love and affection


So what caused this crash and burn, what pushed us both to the point where we were prepared to end it all and start again without each other?  For me it was rejection that tipped me over the edge. I had, relatively recently, been rejected by a man that I had a huge amount of affection for, then I felt I was being rejected by my husband, a man I loved. I had bottled up the end of the relationship with Mr Big, not wanting to talk about it, express myself. I built a huge wall around myself thinking that I had to deal with it on my own. That it was unfair of me to let the H see what I was thinking and feeling about it all, as it wasnt his relationship, so why should I put him through the process of the aftermath.


He was confused and hurt by this approach from me. He thought that the best thing to do was give me some space both mentally and physically. I saw this as him also rejecting me. It hurt that he didn't want to touch me, be around me. It felt like a HUGE double whammy of rejection. So the more I felt hurt, the more I pushed him away and the more he distanced himself from me. Until it got to the point where we barely talking to each other and could hardly stand to be in the same room. Which is a bloody tough thing to do when you work together. We are together 21 hours a day and it takes some serious effort on both of our parts to function at home and work together without actually communicating. Then those fateful words were uttered 'I don't want to do this any more' and there was no disagreement from each of us other over them, just an acceptance.


As we were discussing the dissolution of our marriage, the tin tacks of breaking part the assets, dividing money and possessions, snippets started to emerge. When you think that all is lost and there is nothing more left to lose those hurtful, hateful, truthful things come out. Things you have never said before because you know they are going to hurt the other person. And with those hurtful, truthful word came a realisation for both of us that we still had a foundation. It was there, buried under all sort of crap and once that crap was shifted off there was indeed something left.


I cannot say that yet, all of the rubbish has been removed, dealt with, sorted and recycled. But 95% of it has now been moved on. We had both truly thought that we had already done this, gone through this process when he caught me cheating. But we hadn't, we had merely plastered over the cracks and then tacked on a few more additions to our marriage. The last time had taught us how to talk to each other, to communicate but we hadn't broken down and rebuilt what was there.

So what are we left with? Well a marriage for a start. And yes, we are going to continue having an open marriage. It is something that both of us truly want. That's not to say that there are not still issues around this, there are and those are ones that I want to blog about, in a very honest way. So yes, I will still be blogging but I am going to stop portraying that lovely glossy veneer as I tend to do. Its going to be a wee bit more gritty and honest from now on.

And so, a new beginning...

HNT: These boots...

'These boots are made for walking, and that's just what they'll do
one of these days these boots are gonna walk all over you' - Nancy Sinatra

Actually, I think boots like these were made for fucking...well that's what I think of every time I pull them on...which is not a bad way to start the day is it?

Happy HNT and happy Easter to all that celebrate it too!

Keeping secrets...

My blog is one of the worst kept secrets out there. In fact I don't even really try to keep it a secret. All of my friends read it, my husband does [and helps me with my HNT pic's...thank you darling], heck even my accountant reads it. Why don't I keep it secret? Well because I don't really have anything to hide. We have an open marriage and whilst we don't go around broadcasting it, we don't try to hide it. Its just us. Yes, it does mean I do somewhat temper what I write about and who I write about but on the whole it works out well. I even told Mr Big about it, which kind of brings me to the crux of this post.


I did debate long and hard about telling him at the time. Potentially, telling him could have been a relationship killer, but I thought discovering it for himself would have been far worse than me simply telling him. I did think through the ramification of what may happen when the relationship ended and decided that if he still continued to read it and came across some long, bitchy, venty post about him well so bloody be it! A non-confrontation way of letting the other person know how your thinking and feeling...A literary 'fuck you' so to speak.


And thus the relationship did eventually end. And there in front of me was the opportunity to write that long, bitchy, venty post about him. Except what I didn't realise when I made the decision to tell him about my blog, was that I wouldn't actually be interested in writing that 'bitchy' back-handed revenge post. To be fair, I didn't write those type of posts for any of the other men that I have had in my life, although none of them knew about my blog, but then I didn't feel the same way about them as I did about him either.


There is a saying that goes something like this 'The best revenge is a life well lived'. And that is something that I have inadvertently ended up doing post-Mr Big on my blog. So I have blogged about my 'life well lived' and had a lot of fun doing it too! Pushing myself to get out there and do. I have tried some things that I have always wanted to try, like swinging, and have generally kept my life busy and fun-filled. Some of the things I have blogged about, some I haven't yet. Its been a great way of refocussing my life and I have had in the back of my mind, should he pop back for a peek, there is no bitter, lunatic rant [not that I have actually had one even outside of my blog] sitting on my pages! Just fun times and my random thoughts on stuff.

But some how this has managed to come back and bite me on the arse.  How? Well there are some things that I want to blog about. Like how my looking for a new fuck buddy has been a complete and utter disaster because my enthusiasm level for it is in negative territory. Mr Damn-near-perfect was dropped in my lap and I managed to find ten really good reasons [in my mind] as to why he wouldn't fit as a FB. Whilst the theory of 'the best way over one man is with another' is indeed a great theory....just not one that's worked out well for me because I think I need to get over one man before I can find another.



I know your all sitting there wondering how this is all a problem and why I can't blog about it, right? Well as any blogger will tell you, blogs have statistic. Its what makes [most] us all into statistics whores...we love knowing how many readers visit us, where they came from, what key words they found us with or which other blogs our reader came from. Statistics so detailed we know what countries and cities you live in. You can see where this is going? Yup, I'm pretty certain Mr Big is peeking. Which is not really a big deal except....I am not writing some of things I want to because I would rather him not know. Not know that I'm not getting over him quite as fast as I thought I would and its tougher than I imagined too, hence the lack of enthusiasm for another FB. The other reason is, seeing those particular stats and visits isn't really helping me to keep him out of my mind, isn't helping me move on.


So why don't I just send him an email telling him to stop peeking? Well that just seems like a really bitchy thing to do [and he was on the receiving end of enough of my bitchiness] and I could also be very wrong, it may not be him at all! I suppose I could well have carried on, just skipping the non-bloggable bits [like this post] and you all and maybe even him would be none the wiser about any of this, but that option just isn't sitting right with me. So this post is about putting it out there, so I can just get on and write about all the bits I want to write about. I am so much better at writing about what I think and feel than actually speaking it out loud, which is why I enjoy blogging so much.


So there, its out there! Would I ever tell the next man in my life about my blog? I don't know, perhaps not. Its one of the many things I have re-evaluated about 'the other man' part of my life. That's the one great thing about life, its ever evolving, ever changing and full of surprises!

HNT: Can I tempt you...

Temptation is the devil looking through the keyhole. Yielding is opening the door and inviting him in.

Billy Sunday

Happy HNT all.

Random stuff...

This is one of those posts, where you have bits and pieces that you want say [and god knows I always have plenty to say!] but not enough to make a decent post out of....hence 'Random stuff'

• Right, notice the little box on the right hand side of your screen? yes, that's it, the new one. Now you can ask me stuff randomly and anonymously. I just know you all are gagging to...oh go....please! I need something new to occupy my tiny mind.

• From the 'Random and Strange Shit That Happens on AFF' file...I get this message the other day from a guy saying he liked my profile so much that he's copied it and is using it for himself. And sure enough, I check his profile and there, word for word, is my profile blub. It was one of those WTF? moments...Although, I did not point out to him that he really needs to delete the bit about 'no cock shots please'.

• Where have all the commenters gone? Is it just me, or is everyone else low on comments? My stats tell me more of you than ever are reading, so don't be shy....comment! Its almost bad enough to make me wish I had my anonymous stalker back again....almost!

• Blogs worth a visit:  Barbed Wire Boudoir Shes sarcastic, witty and funny as hell...one of my fav reads. Sex etc Cleofaye has written some seriously, seriously good 'How to..' posts on sex. And guys, if you only read one of them, make it this one! And finally, no day is complete without a visit to Room 1509 They are French and the pictures are very, very hot!

The Hens night...

My sister and I were recently invited to our cousins hen night. I was deeply unexcited at the prospect of hanging out with a bunch of women I don't know, along with a cousin I really don't know, wearing fairy wings and doing drunken hen night shit. But my sister convinced me that it was unlikely to have fairy wings involved, secondly, it could be a great way to get to know our cousin better and besides, we could turn it into a girls weekend in Auckland. With the fun factory increased by ten and a solemn promise from her that no fairies would be harmed in the making of this weekend off we went.

Friday night was relatively low key for us. Dinner at our favourite restaurant in the viaduct followed by a few drinks at one of those cute little pseudo-Irish pubs with a live band. We kicked around the idea of going to the strippers but decided that if the Hen night was indeed rubbish as I was gloomily predicting it would be an event best saved for making Saturday night not a total loss...what? like y'all don't go to the strippers with your siblings? You dont? ok then, moving right along...

The bulk of Saturday was spent shopping [sheesh, what else would we do!] and then getting ready for the 'big night' *cough* which was kicking off at 3 o'clock. Which was a seriously early start in my opinion, some pacing was going to be required. For all of those out there that don't know, I don't do alcohol terribly well. I am a very, very cheap drunk, a one-glass-wonder in fact. And when I hit my limit, I go to sleep. Period. It doesn't matter where I am or what I'm doing, its lights out, yup, even in the middle of sex. That's a whole other story tho.

Any way, our Aunt picked us up and off we troddled to the cousins friends house to celebrate one of the hen's last nights of freedom. We had all been told to wear all black, which was a cute concept as we all ended up with brightly coloured feather boa's while our poor cousin was stuck in a truly hideous 80's pink out fit, complete with bright pink veil and flashing, bobbling cock head-band [which her sister had picked out, who is definitely my favourite cousin of the two]

So there we were, my sister and I stuck with about sixteen lawyers [nothing against lawyers you understand but they are just a tiny bit low on fun factor] our other cousin and our aunt [really, who has their mum at their hen night!] We played the requisite hen night games, one of which was a kind of pub quiz about the hen herself. I certainly got to know a lot more about my cousin. One of the questions was, Which on this list didn't she sleep with at university? [it was a bloody long list] and apparently it was her lecturer, promiscuity runs in the family, who knew?

A few more games including carving cocks out of cheese it was time to head into town. Thank goodness, I was having pacing problems and would have quite happily thrown a whole of wine down straight by this point. Next on the agenda was a burlesque dancing lesson. To be fair this was a hell of a lot of fun [or maybe that was just the free margaritas talking] and it made for some hilarious facebook photos later on! The H on looking at them commented...Oh look, you can see your knickers, there's a surprise!

Next up was dinner. My sister and I ended up at opposite ends of the table and I thought that maybe it was a great opportunity to get to know some of the others there. Or not. I was next to my aunt, situation potentially salvageable by getting her pissed and getting all of her cougar stories out of her [she's the Remuera cougar from hell and she does it well!] but sadly she had the same idea as I, staying sober and well behaved was the way to go. Lets face it, at the wedding no one wants to be pointed out as the drunk chick who danced on the table with her top off at the hens night.

To be fair, I did try hard to make conversation with my surrounding new lawyer friends but gave up after an hour or so of trying, even my aunt was struggling with the lot we were stuck with. Dinner was only salvaged by large quantities of wine [which appeared to be having no fuckin effect, I had given up trying to be well behaved] and nipping outside to swap horror stories about our dinner companions with my sister. I think she won the horror stories game with the chick sitting opposite her, that stalks all her ex-boyfriends on facebook (she's married) and thought that all the food was 'omg gross, I cant eat that!' I got the dieter from hell. Seriously who flys all the way from London for her friends wedding and only has a diet shake on the hen night, nothing else, no food, no drinks, just the diet shake...and as a side note, I spotted her at the wedding outside drinking her freaking diet shake! I don't know whether to admire her commitment or think she's a complete freak!

Finally dinner was over and it was time to hit the pubs and clubs. Sadly walking down the road the heel on my shoe broke. My sister and I swapped looks and muttered 'oh dear, what a shame, we better go back to the hotel and get some more shoes' [and my H wonders why my suitcase is always half filled with shoes, for moments like these of course!] So with promises to catch up with the rest of them later [yeah right] we headed back to our hotel.

We get back to our room and my sister says she's in the mood to keep drinking, I heartily agreed, this night couldn't possibly be over yet! So I suggested:

Shall we go and catch up with J and her hen night? [one of my sisters friends who was also having her hen night in Auckland on the same night]

meh

Wanna grab a bottle of wine and keep drinking here and talk some shit [we are soooo good at that]

meh

Ok then, the casino?

meh

Bar down the road? [I am seriously running out of suggestions here....]

meh

Just as Im getting ready to throw a pillow at her, she asks

How far away is that swingers club you went to?

At the end of the road

Can you drink there?

yup

Are there people there to talk to?

Ah, yup they are all pretty friendly [as most people are when they want to get into your knickers]

Shall we go?

WHAT? What about the strippers?

Nope, I want to go the swingers club. When am I ever going to get another chance? Chairman Mao [her partner] would never be interested in going to one.

Are you sure?

Yes.

At this point I had this very small internal debate....Do I take my little sister to a swingers club??? Oh what the fuck, who am I to stomp on her hopes and dreams!

And the rest of the story? Well I am going to leave that to your imagination. We went, we had fun and no, in case your wondering we don't fuck together. That's just eww wrong icky! The rest stays in the 'sisters secrets' box!

HNT: Hotel Part Four...

This is the final picture in this series and it is definitely my favourite. Happy HNT!

'Do you think I'm special?
Do you think I'm nice?
Am I bright enough to shine in your spaces?'

- One Republic...All the right moves

Be sure to go and visit Osbasso and see who else is playing along this week.

I got fucked...

I want to be fucked and I want it rough...most of all, I want it now.

I want you to pull my hair, call me slut, spank my arse, I want it to hurt. Pin me to the wall, make me yours...I dare you to...

No, don't treat me nice, I know you can, but not now, not today.

I want it raw. The bruises will fade and marks will heal, right now, I just want to feel, I just want to be fucked.

I want you to let go, be rough, you know you want to, I know you can, just do it now. Bend me over, grab and hand full of hair and slide your cock into me. I dare you to...

I want you to slide your hands up my chest and pinch and pull my nipples, that's it, just harder, make me feel.

I want to scrape my nails down your back, leaving red raw marks that will last for days. I want to bite you, brand you, please return the favour.

I want you to dig your fingers in to my flesh, take whats yours, take me any way you want.

I want to you to slide your hand around my throat, just as I cum.

And when I walk away, I will feel, that I got fucked...well and truly.


This suits my mood today. A huge thanks to Kimberly for organising us all and coming up with this months topic. Please visit everyone else who is participating in this months 'May I seduce you' I am sure they have done a better job than I!

Ronjazz
Adulterous Letch
Britni
Autumn 
They belong to us
Hubman
Veronica
Topaz
Dreamwalker
Gray
Bri
Spring Flower
Kimberly
Choc'ladee

HNT: Hotel Part Three...

There is something about the morning light that is just amazing...the view out the window was pretty amazing too! Happy HNT!

Be sure to check out Osbasso to see who else is playing along this week.