I wish I were a dawg....

Tuesday, June 22, 2010

In my hunt for the perfect male specimen to fuck I actually have to answer messages these potentially glorious shag buddies send me. I do indeed wish I could say that I stun them with my wit, talent for the written word and my hot, shiny personality that no doubt shows through every keystroke and word I write...sadly I do not. Apparently all it takes is one severely cropped HNT picture (an actual picture of me, no less) and a shot of my sweet face to have these adonis (adoni? what is the plural for that??) clamouring for a meeting with little ol' moi. Which really does suck the fun right out of it, doesn't it?

I really do wish I could tell tall tales of how I woo them with my witty, crafty messages...nope, which in turn makes for fuck all blog fodder. And goodness knows, they never send me any particularly entertaining messages or witty introductions.....a lot of cock shots though, maybe I should start posting them up here, no?

The sad, sad truth is...two pictures, a wee bit of written word from me, which I am sure is not even read properly and viola! coffee, or a nice glass of Sav with a hot man (please let him be hot) awaits (prefer the Sav, so sick of burning my mouth on hot coffee!)

Ergo, so many tales of my fucking and debauchery go untold. Why? well I cannot entertain my readers with the hunt and gather process and 9/10 times I am sculling my Sav on first meeting. Of those that make it through to actually seeing me naked, well, lets say there is well, some really average sex that goes on. It not to say its not good sex, but its average, lovely but average. No swinging from the chandeliers, no strap-ons, no handcuffs, no spanking. And really, how many times can you doll up average looking sex to make it sound, hot sweaty and exciting?

So I am inventing a new method of telling tales of fucking and average debauchery....a simple introduction, highlight of the event and with that the faint hope that one or two of you out there crack a wee bit of a hard on...just a wee rise even?...gimme a break, I'm trying!

So without further ado, let me introduce you to....

10 comments:

Adulterous Letch said...

Darn it all! A cliffhanger! Have you been reading Riff? :P

~m said...

Oh gawd... I know the feeling. I'm on the hunt myself and there's some real winners out there. I love the ones who feel entitled because they bought me a drink. Yea, whatevers...

Anyhow, I keep thinking I should blog about my experiences, but I'm just a little shy.

The Adulterer said...

It might take a thousand words to paint a picture, but I'd rather have the words. All a picture does really is show you the reality of the flesh. And let's face it, we've all had boring, unfulfilling sex with someone just because they looked good.

Easy for me to say that, cos I'm dog ugly!

Vixen said...

Ah yes...the penis pictures! Gotta love those. *shaking head*

Look forward to what comes next!

xo

Topaz said...

Doesn't that suck? You go through it all and think (mid-shaft, lol), how can I blog about this so it was interesting? lol, but yet, you have some goodies for us and I for one can't wait to read!

...& LOL @ AL re: Riff...

Adulterous Letch said...

I don't normally comment on the comments of other commenters, but...

I almost fell out of my chair when I read "mid-shaft" from Topaz. lol

I deserve another Oscar for maintaining a straight face (reading this at the office), but if anyone was looking closely, they would have noticed that no part of my body moved for about a minute, while I quietly enjoyed that joke. :P

NAUGHTY WEB said...

Petal

No pecker photo's from me......witty repartee?? Perhaps....all i can say is that I enjoy your wit and edge......winner of a blog, my dear...oh yeah, about average sex...almost a letdown...I'm always on the hunt for exploding fireworks and gushing endings....good luck and keep on writing!

Sir Thomas said...

its knocking on the bottom of the tabe now...

Southern Sage said...

Damn to live there and meet the criteria, shitty luck prevents it I guess.

Take the pics off, make then fall for your written wiles, then blow their fucking doors off when you do send the pics, they will believe they have hit the lottery.

Anonymous said...

Most of your stories give me a hard on!!!

 
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