Keeping secrets...

My blog is one of the worst kept secrets out there. In fact I don't even really try to keep it a secret. All of my friends read it, my husband does [and helps me with my HNT pic's...thank you darling], heck even my accountant reads it. Why don't I keep it secret? Well because I don't really have anything to hide. We have an open marriage and whilst we don't go around broadcasting it, we don't try to hide it. Its just us. Yes, it does mean I do somewhat temper what I write about and who I write about but on the whole it works out well. I even told Mr Big about it, which kind of brings me to the crux of this post.


I did debate long and hard about telling him at the time. Potentially, telling him could have been a relationship killer, but I thought discovering it for himself would have been far worse than me simply telling him. I did think through the ramification of what may happen when the relationship ended and decided that if he still continued to read it and came across some long, bitchy, venty post about him well so bloody be it! A non-confrontation way of letting the other person know how your thinking and feeling...A literary 'fuck you' so to speak.


And thus the relationship did eventually end. And there in front of me was the opportunity to write that long, bitchy, venty post about him. Except what I didn't realise when I made the decision to tell him about my blog, was that I wouldn't actually be interested in writing that 'bitchy' back-handed revenge post. To be fair, I didn't write those type of posts for any of the other men that I have had in my life, although none of them knew about my blog, but then I didn't feel the same way about them as I did about him either.


There is a saying that goes something like this 'The best revenge is a life well lived'. And that is something that I have inadvertently ended up doing post-Mr Big on my blog. So I have blogged about my 'life well lived' and had a lot of fun doing it too! Pushing myself to get out there and do. I have tried some things that I have always wanted to try, like swinging, and have generally kept my life busy and fun-filled. Some of the things I have blogged about, some I haven't yet. Its been a great way of refocussing my life and I have had in the back of my mind, should he pop back for a peek, there is no bitter, lunatic rant [not that I have actually had one even outside of my blog] sitting on my pages! Just fun times and my random thoughts on stuff.

But some how this has managed to come back and bite me on the arse.  How? Well there are some things that I want to blog about. Like how my looking for a new fuck buddy has been a complete and utter disaster because my enthusiasm level for it is in negative territory. Mr Damn-near-perfect was dropped in my lap and I managed to find ten really good reasons [in my mind] as to why he wouldn't fit as a FB. Whilst the theory of 'the best way over one man is with another' is indeed a great theory....just not one that's worked out well for me because I think I need to get over one man before I can find another.



I know your all sitting there wondering how this is all a problem and why I can't blog about it, right? Well as any blogger will tell you, blogs have statistic. Its what makes [most] us all into statistics whores...we love knowing how many readers visit us, where they came from, what key words they found us with or which other blogs our reader came from. Statistics so detailed we know what countries and cities you live in. You can see where this is going? Yup, I'm pretty certain Mr Big is peeking. Which is not really a big deal except....I am not writing some of things I want to because I would rather him not know. Not know that I'm not getting over him quite as fast as I thought I would and its tougher than I imagined too, hence the lack of enthusiasm for another FB. The other reason is, seeing those particular stats and visits isn't really helping me to keep him out of my mind, isn't helping me move on.


So why don't I just send him an email telling him to stop peeking? Well that just seems like a really bitchy thing to do [and he was on the receiving end of enough of my bitchiness] and I could also be very wrong, it may not be him at all! I suppose I could well have carried on, just skipping the non-bloggable bits [like this post] and you all and maybe even him would be none the wiser about any of this, but that option just isn't sitting right with me. So this post is about putting it out there, so I can just get on and write about all the bits I want to write about. I am so much better at writing about what I think and feel than actually speaking it out loud, which is why I enjoy blogging so much.


So there, its out there! Would I ever tell the next man in my life about my blog? I don't know, perhaps not. Its one of the many things I have re-evaluated about 'the other man' part of my life. That's the one great thing about life, its ever evolving, ever changing and full of surprises!

Lost libido's and returning lovers...

I appear to have lost my libido....I strongly suspect I left it somewhere in Thailand, along with the lust fairy [You know her, that evil little imp that sits on my shoulder encouraging me into all sorts of mischief]. I know, very careless of me and if any of you happen across either of them, please return asap!

But it appears mine isn't the only one that's gone AWOL. The H has lost his too....quite possibly in Thailand as well, he doesn't remember when or where he put it down, but its gone! As a result the marital bed has been an oasis of calm and snoring lately.....nothing rockin our headboard! Ah, nothing that a bottle of wine and some good porn shouldn't fix!

The returning lover? well no prizes for guessing who that may be....Yup, you guessed right, Mr Big [see I told you no prizes, it was too easy] As yet its not so much of a return, since I haven't seen him in six weeks, but an agreement of continuance. How did that happen? Well I pretty much told him what I told you all in this post. And that was all well and good. I got a ' nice knowing you, must catch up over a coffee sometime in the distant future' response.

Then three days later I received the mother of all bollockings! Everything from 'How do you know that I don't want the same thing as you' to 'How dare you assume what I'm thinking when you wont even talk to me or ask me' and oh-so-many more. The cynic inside me says that a horny, single guy will say and promise an awful lot to keep a fuck buddy. Not as green as I am cabbage looking. So, for now, I am keeping him around. No expectations.

Fourteen hours of fun...

This post was meant to be about the fourteen fantastic hours I spent with Mr Big. And it was a truly fantastic night! But given I have just ended our relationship I am very much struggling to gather together the necessary state of mind to write about it in a way it deserves.....I will hopefully get to it one day. The night was everything I had hoped for and some!

Why did I end it? Well when your marriage opens up you realise that there a potential there for not just a fuck buddy or a friend with benefits, but for a relationship. Your not sneaking around grabbing snatches of the other person whenever and wherever you can. Knowing that what your getting is as much as you can get or as good as it can get.

I had/have feelings for him, huge feelings that came through when I realised that there really could be a relationship. Unfortunately with him just coming out of a long term relationship, there wasn't space in his head for one with me.

When you have feelings for someone, you also have expectation. Expectations of the way you want them to behave towards you, of what you want from them. When you want to have a relationship with someone you also have needs, needs that need to be met.

He is not in a position to meet my expectations or my needs at the moment. So to save myself a lot of grief, hurt and disappointment, I decided that moving on is the best thing for now. I didnt want to get to a point where I was being hurt because he couldn't meet my expectations or needs.

It is so very fucking hard to let go of someone you want so badly...

Stuff happens...

Sometimes in life stuff just happens....recently I had 'stuff happen' in my life which meant I had to pull my blog for a wee while. But now that the stuff is over and done with my blog and I are back (assuming of course you noticed I was gone, if you didn't feel free to ignore this post!) What was the stuff I hear you ask? ummm gonna take a dodge on that answer and just leave it at 'stuff happens'!

Anyway, now we are back and up and running, I will have to tell you all about the fantastic over-nighter I had with Mr Big...

The best laid schemes of mice and men...

When we think of naughty encounters, we often imagine a joyous reunion of star-crossed lovers in a [fabulous or seedy, depending on budget and circumstances!] hotel room having wonderfully hot, sensual, dirty sex... And 99% of the time, that is no doubt the case. But sometimes its doesn't always quite go to plan. Yup, Mr Murphy with is irritating laws steps in and it all goes rather pear shaped.

Quite recently I had to spend three days working at an event out of town. It was far enough away from home to need to stay away for a couple of nights but close enough to Mr Big for him to be able to come and spend the night with me. The whole night with Mr Big....phew! So I duly book a fantastic room at very high end hotel [Hey work was paying and I'm the boss, so why not!] The big guy and I, spent most of the week getting all hot and steamy via text in anticipation of a whole night together. There was fun to be had and it was going to be GOOD!

Until...I got *that* text. Yeah, the one that says 'So very, very sorry I cant make it...' My tummy dropped in disappointment but at the end of the day, life happens. This was salvageable. I had a beautiful room booked and I could turn this into a *me* night, pamper myself, kick back and enjoy time with me.

So I checked in, ignoring the less than warm and friendly service [read no valet parking, no porter, rude reception....your a how many star hotel??] and sat back on the mine-for-the-night king size bed. Having spent the day on my feet, talking to what felt like a thousand people, I wasn't feeling inclined to troddle down to the 'rave review' restaurant headed up by the 'celebrity chef' and sample the delightful dishes on my own, so I order room service instead.

My 'gourmet' pizza and large glass of wine arrived. All I can say, is at least the wine was fantastic! [Can't beat a good kiwi cab sav!] The pizza? well... I have bought better at the supermarket. A long, soak in a hot bath later and my spirits were restored. I tucked myself into the huge bed [Omg I love hotel sheets, clean sheet day everyday!!] and reflected on my day. No lover, shite service, less than average food....oh well on the bright side it couldn't get any worse!

Until... I woke up the next morning, swung my feet out of bed and landed in several inches of freezing cold water. It had rained rather heavily in the night and flooded out half the ground floor, the half that I was staying in! Needless to say, I did not spend a second night there!

Mr Big comes to town....

So rather stupidly or smartly, depending on your perspective, I emailed Mr Big a copy of the 'Fantasy fuck'. If you need to refresh your memory it can be found here. He let me know that he was going to be spending the night in my town and would I love to catch up? Hell yes! Then, that afternoon I got this text:

You will wear only a black coat and heels. With either a butt plug or anal beads inserted. Bring a vib.

Gulp! Well as you can guess, the evening pretty much followed the 'Fantasy fuck'. I have the bruises to prove it, oh and the pictures in my inbox as well!

Yeah, your right.......it would be rude not to share.....enjoy!

[ Picture now removed to protect the innocent and not so innocent :o) ]

Mr Big: The sequel

Three weeks later, I find myself with the same man, in the same city, in the same room. Well warmed from a dip in the spa and my skin still slightly damp, I am sprawled naked on the bed, my feet propped on his broad shoulders and he intently exploring, softly, gently every nook and fold of my pussy with his tongue and fingers. I propped myself up on my elbows and looked down at him "I could take that for hours" "I could do that for hours" he replies.

This is not at all what I was expecting. After my last get together with Mr Big and subsequent texts and emails, I was expecting a hard, fast fuck with plenty of ass-slapping, hair tugging and generally decadently deviant behaviour. I was not expected a lover to accommodate my mood, one that recognised that I was feeling tired and perhaps a little out of sorts.

I was not complaining, indeed I was lying back and enjoying every moment of his tender explorations! Sadly, despite all his efforts, it just wasn't working for me. I kept getting close, so very close to cumming but I just couldn't tip myself over the edge. Time for a change.

I pulled him up onto the bed and pushed him back against the mattress. "My turn" I said with an evil little grin. "You do whatever you want, I'm yours to play with" Ah, the possibilities! I knew *exactly* what I wanted! Starting at the top, I kissed, licked and sucked my way down his body and half way back up again until I got to his cock.

Taking him in hand, I slid him into my hot, wet mouth and started to suck him in and out of my mouth, stopping every so often to give a long wet lick from the bottom right up to the top and back again. I wanted him slick with wet for what I was going to do next. Straddling his hips, I adjusted myself so I was just *so*. My pussy lips half wrapping around his cock, his cock my toy to tease myself with. Slowly I slid up and down, teasing myself and no doubt him.

I reached around behind me and lifted his cock just enough so I could slide myself onto him. I love that feeling, the way he stretches me wide open, fills me completely and then some. "Tell me what you want" he whispered. " I want you hard, fast, just fuck me....please"

With that, I rose up slightly so he could start pumping in and out of me. I leaned forward and pushed back, trying to fit more of him into me. He grabbed my hips and thrust deep inside me, fucking me furiously like I asked. Deep inside came a feeling, a sensation, building and growing until it threatened to overwhelm me. A something I have never felt before, and then there it was, a huge explosion of the most intense pleasure I have ever experienced, a different kind of orgasm than I have previously had. Fuck, I never knew you could cum like that! The intensity....

Meeting Mr Big

Now before you all start wondering about where Mr Big came from, he is John from this post. I just don't like calling him John, it makes me sound like I charge for my services and I don't! [Although with the current recessionary pressure.....nah!]

Anyway! Mr Big informed me that he was staying in a motel in a town very close by on business for a week. Now I don't know about you, but when the opportunity to test drive a new lover in circumstances involving more than a quick one hour encounter arise, it really is a too good an opportunity to miss! So I duly organised my alibi and an evening pass and set off to see Mr Big.

On arrival, he offered me a glass of wine and suggested a dip in the spa [hot tub for all you northerners] and not being a particularly shy kinda girl I quickly whipped off my gear, grabbed my glass of wine and piled in. We sat and chatted about this and that while we indulged in some accidental touching, which led to some deliberate touching, which led to some pretty damn hot kissing. Eventually he murmured that we should perhaps take this inside, I did not disagree!

So we towelled off and climbed into bed and resumed kissing, stroking and generally getting the feel for each others bodies. While kissing me he ran his hand down over my chest, pausing to play with my nipples before sliding on down to tease my clit with his fingers. After a short while he replaced teasing my clit with his fingers to teasing it with his cock and that is when I got the impression that maybe Mr Big was well, big all over!

Now I must confess, that up until this point, I hadn't looked, nope not even a peek nor a grope when he was nekkid. I had just assumed that he, being male was in possession of cock and said cock would be, well average. There was nothing for it, a trip south of the border was needed! So I rolled him onto his back, straddled him and starting with his lips, kissed and licked my way down his body until I got to where I wanted to be.

Yup, suspicion confirmed, the man was big! Well, a hell of a lot bigger than I had ever had before [based on my limited experience of such things] Now I'm not one to turn down a challenge and while I was there I thought it was only polite to have a wee play, rude not to really! So with cock in hand I flicked my tongue over the head before licking up and down his shaft with my warm tongue, then blowing very lightly over the wet I had created. With him moaning in encouragement, I took him into my mouth and started to suck gently and swirl my tongue around. After a few minutes of this, his hand came down, grabbed my hair and hauled me back up his body so he could give me a very hard kiss.

Once again I found myself straddling his hips so I started rocking back and forth, sliding his cock between my pussy lips, using him to tease myself. He sat up and leant me back and took a nipple into his mouth, flicking the hard peak with his tongue before sucking with just enough force to send shivers coursing down my spine and an added flood of heat between my legs. I raised myself up and lowered myself on to him, very slowly, easing in a inch at a time until I was completely and utterly impaled on his cock.

He grabbed my hips and lifted me up slightly and started thrusting, hard and fast, creating a sensation that I don't think I have ever felt before, the speed and the fullness was just mind blowing! Suddenly he stopped and with a slap on my ass he tells me to roll off, who am I to argue and the next minute I find myself flat on my back with a foot tucked over each of his shoulders and him sliding back into me. He watches my face intently as he stretches me open again and thrusts deeply into me once more.

Not nearly satisfied enough with this position he orders me onto all fours on the edge of the bed. Happily I comply and once again I feel him filling me up. He slaps me on the ass and whispers in my ear.

"Does that feel good?"

I nod and give a wee moan in reply.

Another slap to the ass, harder this time. " I didn't hear you"

Oh boy, I see where this is going, with an evil little grin on my face, I say nothing. His hand comes down again, I grunt in reply. And again his hand comes down and reddens my ass some more. "Oh fuck, so good....fuck me harder"

He continues to fuck me in a slow, lazy kind of way. He leans forward puts his hand on my shoulder to stop me from moving and starts whispering in my ear, pure and utter filth, all the really dirty things he wants to do with me. My knees are trembling and I'm trying so hard to get him to move faster, fuck me harder, deeper, anything.....I just need more!

His thumb slips in my ass and my ability to think goes completely out the window, I'm in that space. Eventually he relents and drives himself into me, hard, fast in a frenzy of motion that end in him cumming with one final deep thrust.

So there I am, head resting on the bed, on my knees with my ass in the air, trying to somehow recover when I feel his tongue run along the edge of my pussy lips and over my clit. He rhythmically starts licking my clit, pausing every so often to suck into his mouth. I can feel my own orgasm building. I push myself back into his face, urging him on. He slips a finger in my pussy, I moan. He slips another in my ass and that is enough to push me over the edge.

He wraps me in his arms and we lay there. And we kiss and talk. The man has me sussed and I can't wait until next time!