Fourteen hours of fun...

Tuesday, September 1, 2009

This post was meant to be about the fourteen fantastic hours I spent with Mr Big. And it was a truly fantastic night! But given I have just ended our relationship I am very much struggling to gather together the necessary state of mind to write about it in a way it deserves.....I will hopefully get to it one day. The night was everything I had hoped for and some!

Why did I end it? Well when your marriage opens up you realise that there a potential there for not just a fuck buddy or a friend with benefits, but for a relationship. Your not sneaking around grabbing snatches of the other person whenever and wherever you can. Knowing that what your getting is as much as you can get or as good as it can get.

I had/have feelings for him, huge feelings that came through when I realised that there really could be a relationship. Unfortunately with him just coming out of a long term relationship, there wasn't space in his head for one with me.

When you have feelings for someone, you also have expectation. Expectations of the way you want them to behave towards you, of what you want from them. When you want to have a relationship with someone you also have needs, needs that need to be met.

He is not in a position to meet my expectations or my needs at the moment. So to save myself a lot of grief, hurt and disappointment, I decided that moving on is the best thing for now. I didnt want to get to a point where I was being hurt because he couldn't meet my expectations or needs.

It is so very fucking hard to let go of someone you want so badly...

14 comments:

Aurore said...

I am sorry to hear that you had to end things but it sounds like you've made the right decision for you.

*hugs*

Advizor said...

Walking away from those we love, but who are not right for us, is difficult. Right now I am in the same place as Mr. Big with an on-line friend of mine, and it hurts like hell, but I know that is probably the best for her, as much as I hate to admit it.

Knowing both sides, I give you my sympathy, and admiration for doing what is best for you.

CW said...

I am seriously bummed for you. Crap.

I have been on both sides of that equation, just without the open marriage part. I feel your pain.

Hang in there, Sister.

CW

Poet Warrior said...

What are ur expectations?

Ms. Inconspicuous said...

You're a stronger woman than I, to be sure.

It's funny--how that opening of the marriage opens up and simultaneously restricts so many other things. One would not expect it...but there it is.

Topaz said...

The one expectation that sees you both through this is truth. It's really all we have; to be honest with ourselves, and be honest with each other. I hope he respects your decision, because it is clearly a very difficult one to make.

I will say I'm glad that (as I gather) you ended things on your terms.

Confessor X said...

You know that I've always thought of you as a strong and intelligent woman...this shows that statement is true. You're not letting greed blind you...its a tough decision, but if Mr Big sees it your way, I'm sure he he would agree its best for both of you at this time in your lives.

*muah*
Missed ya gorgeous!

Ms Scarlett said...

I can't imagine anything harder than doing what you've just done. I admire the strength that I know it took. I think you did the right thing, for what it's worth.

HUGS! XO

Black Pearl said...

Everything happens for a reason. Is it that you're lucky to be in a marriage that allows you build outside relationships or is it a double edged sword? You have everything at your fingertips, but it's not everything that you "really" wanted.

I'm sure in time, Mr. Big will be nothing more than a fond memory and a late night wet dream. Cheer up and know, as always, you're not alone!!

*hug*

Me said...

I'm sorry you had to end things up with Mr. Big. Even if it's for the best, sometimes it sucks. ~Hugs~

Gray said...

I am sorry to hear this but I think you did the right thing for your own sanity.

bdenied said...

too bad more people can not accept polyamory and we could have more menage a trois relationships

Soul Powers said...

Sorry for your loss. The most difficult thing you can do is often the best thing for you. Be glad you had to sense to end things before they became bad for you.

You'll mourn, cry, be sad, be strong and recover. We'll be here to help you be strong along the way.

Soul.

Riff Dog said...

This must be incredibly difficult, but it sounds very smart. I suspect you would have grown more and more frustrated, so painful as it is, I think this is best. A lot of pain now instead of a *whole* lot of pain later.

But I'm sorry you have to deal with it.

 
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