A fuck and nothing but a fuck?

I got a message on AFF today (yes I know, the place is like a train wreck for me, can't keep away from it!) from a guy and its pretty much said this...."I am in a flat marriage and I am not looking to change my situation at the moment. I am looking for 'no strings' kind of arrangement" Now, for some reason, this message annoyed me today more than it does on any other day and whilst I didn't reply to him, I have a couple of things to say about this....


For a start, BULLSHIT! Your trying to tell me that your going to spend the next 40 years of your life married to a woman that is not interested in or doesn't want to fuck you. Well, a big fat hairy bollocks to that! If you don't want to change your situation, why is it your messaging me for sex, you do indeed want change. You want sex, that is change. If you truly do not want change, get rid of your profile and sit at home having a quick wank in the loo occasionally, that is not changing your situation.


Secondly...'no strings' ? I have issues with this statement. Big ones. The only 'no strings' fuck that exists in this world is one you pay for. That's right, paying for sex will guarantee that there are no strings....you want her body/orifices, she wants your cash. Its a simple, straight up business transaction. I mean, seriously, do you really think you are going to find a woman out there that is going to whore herself to you for free? You may be lucky enough to find that, but most women have a bit more self respect than that, so there will be strings and there will be expectations.


Which leads me to wonder, if a man doesn't want to go to the ATM and get some cash out to buy a 'no strings' fuck, why are they looking for sex on these sites? There is no doubt a proportion of men that are simply too cheap to pay for it....but then why shell out for a membership on a 'adult dating website'?? Or are men maybe looking for something that is a bit more than just sex?


There is a saying that goes 'Women need to feel loved to have sex, men need to have sex to feel loved' or something along those lines. So are these men looking for that little bit more that goes with sex? Perhaps a bit of intimacy, physical affection, touching, wanting to be desired and wanted by someone? I get the 'no strings' aspect of not wanting a relationship/stalker/emotional commitment. But is all simply about the fuck?


So I am going to put this question out there....For all you guys out there, does looking for 'no strings' sex mean:

• I am too cheap to pay for sex?
• I want good sex with someone and I can give/receive physical affection with but I don't want to commit myself to?
• Its just sex, I am sick of wanking and I really don't want or need the cuddles?

Keeping secrets...

My blog is one of the worst kept secrets out there. In fact I don't even really try to keep it a secret. All of my friends read it, my husband does [and helps me with my HNT pic's...thank you darling], heck even my accountant reads it. Why don't I keep it secret? Well because I don't really have anything to hide. We have an open marriage and whilst we don't go around broadcasting it, we don't try to hide it. Its just us. Yes, it does mean I do somewhat temper what I write about and who I write about but on the whole it works out well. I even told Mr Big about it, which kind of brings me to the crux of this post.


I did debate long and hard about telling him at the time. Potentially, telling him could have been a relationship killer, but I thought discovering it for himself would have been far worse than me simply telling him. I did think through the ramification of what may happen when the relationship ended and decided that if he still continued to read it and came across some long, bitchy, venty post about him well so bloody be it! A non-confrontation way of letting the other person know how your thinking and feeling...A literary 'fuck you' so to speak.


And thus the relationship did eventually end. And there in front of me was the opportunity to write that long, bitchy, venty post about him. Except what I didn't realise when I made the decision to tell him about my blog, was that I wouldn't actually be interested in writing that 'bitchy' back-handed revenge post. To be fair, I didn't write those type of posts for any of the other men that I have had in my life, although none of them knew about my blog, but then I didn't feel the same way about them as I did about him either.


There is a saying that goes something like this 'The best revenge is a life well lived'. And that is something that I have inadvertently ended up doing post-Mr Big on my blog. So I have blogged about my 'life well lived' and had a lot of fun doing it too! Pushing myself to get out there and do. I have tried some things that I have always wanted to try, like swinging, and have generally kept my life busy and fun-filled. Some of the things I have blogged about, some I haven't yet. Its been a great way of refocussing my life and I have had in the back of my mind, should he pop back for a peek, there is no bitter, lunatic rant [not that I have actually had one even outside of my blog] sitting on my pages! Just fun times and my random thoughts on stuff.

But some how this has managed to come back and bite me on the arse.  How? Well there are some things that I want to blog about. Like how my looking for a new fuck buddy has been a complete and utter disaster because my enthusiasm level for it is in negative territory. Mr Damn-near-perfect was dropped in my lap and I managed to find ten really good reasons [in my mind] as to why he wouldn't fit as a FB. Whilst the theory of 'the best way over one man is with another' is indeed a great theory....just not one that's worked out well for me because I think I need to get over one man before I can find another.



I know your all sitting there wondering how this is all a problem and why I can't blog about it, right? Well as any blogger will tell you, blogs have statistic. Its what makes [most] us all into statistics whores...we love knowing how many readers visit us, where they came from, what key words they found us with or which other blogs our reader came from. Statistics so detailed we know what countries and cities you live in. You can see where this is going? Yup, I'm pretty certain Mr Big is peeking. Which is not really a big deal except....I am not writing some of things I want to because I would rather him not know. Not know that I'm not getting over him quite as fast as I thought I would and its tougher than I imagined too, hence the lack of enthusiasm for another FB. The other reason is, seeing those particular stats and visits isn't really helping me to keep him out of my mind, isn't helping me move on.


So why don't I just send him an email telling him to stop peeking? Well that just seems like a really bitchy thing to do [and he was on the receiving end of enough of my bitchiness] and I could also be very wrong, it may not be him at all! I suppose I could well have carried on, just skipping the non-bloggable bits [like this post] and you all and maybe even him would be none the wiser about any of this, but that option just isn't sitting right with me. So this post is about putting it out there, so I can just get on and write about all the bits I want to write about. I am so much better at writing about what I think and feel than actually speaking it out loud, which is why I enjoy blogging so much.


So there, its out there! Would I ever tell the next man in my life about my blog? I don't know, perhaps not. Its one of the many things I have re-evaluated about 'the other man' part of my life. That's the one great thing about life, its ever evolving, ever changing and full of surprises!

Random stuff...

This is one of those posts, where you have bits and pieces that you want say [and god knows I always have plenty to say!] but not enough to make a decent post out of....hence 'Random stuff'

• Right, notice the little box on the right hand side of your screen? yes, that's it, the new one. Now you can ask me stuff randomly and anonymously. I just know you all are gagging to...oh go....please! I need something new to occupy my tiny mind.

• From the 'Random and Strange Shit That Happens on AFF' file...I get this message the other day from a guy saying he liked my profile so much that he's copied it and is using it for himself. And sure enough, I check his profile and there, word for word, is my profile blub. It was one of those WTF? moments...Although, I did not point out to him that he really needs to delete the bit about 'no cock shots please'.

• Where have all the commenters gone? Is it just me, or is everyone else low on comments? My stats tell me more of you than ever are reading, so don't be shy....comment! Its almost bad enough to make me wish I had my anonymous stalker back again....almost!

• Blogs worth a visit:  Barbed Wire Boudoir Shes sarcastic, witty and funny as hell...one of my fav reads. Sex etc Cleofaye has written some seriously, seriously good 'How to..' posts on sex. And guys, if you only read one of them, make it this one! And finally, no day is complete without a visit to Room 1509 They are French and the pictures are very, very hot!