A fuck and nothing but a fuck?

Saturday, May 8, 2010

I got a message on AFF today (yes I know, the place is like a train wreck for me, can't keep away from it!) from a guy and its pretty much said this...."I am in a flat marriage and I am not looking to change my situation at the moment. I am looking for 'no strings' kind of arrangement" Now, for some reason, this message annoyed me today more than it does on any other day and whilst I didn't reply to him, I have a couple of things to say about this....

For a start, BULLSHIT! Your trying to tell me that your going to spend the next 40 years of your life married to a woman that is not interested in or doesn't want to fuck you. Well, a big fat hairy bollocks to that! If you don't want to change your situation, why is it your messaging me for sex, you do indeed want change. You want sex, that is change. If you truly do not want change, get rid of your profile and sit at home having a quick wank in the loo occasionally, that is not changing your situation.

Secondly...'no strings' ? I have issues with this statement. Big ones. The only 'no strings' fuck that exists in this world is one you pay for. That's right, paying for sex will guarantee that there are no strings....you want her body/orifices, she wants your cash. Its a simple, straight up business transaction. I mean, seriously, do you really think you are going to find a woman out there that is going to whore herself to you for free? You may be lucky enough to find that, but most women have a bit more self respect than that, so there will be strings and there will be expectations.

Which leads me to wonder, if a man doesn't want to go to the ATM and get some cash out to buy a 'no strings' fuck, why are they looking for sex on these sites? There is no doubt a proportion of men that are simply too cheap to pay for it....but then why shell out for a membership on a 'adult dating website'?? Or are men maybe looking for something that is a bit more than just sex?

There is a saying that goes 'Women need to feel loved to have sex, men need to have sex to feel loved' or something along those lines. So are these men looking for that little bit more that goes with sex? Perhaps a bit of intimacy, physical affection, touching, wanting to be desired and wanted by someone? I get the 'no strings' aspect of not wanting a relationship/stalker/emotional commitment. But is all simply about the fuck?

So I am going to put this question out there....For all you guys out there, does looking for 'no strings' sex mean:
  • I am too cheap to pay for sex?
  • I want good sex with someone and I can give/receive physical affection with but I don't want to commit myself to?
  • Its just sex, I am sick of wanking and I really don't want or need the cuddles?


Anonymous said...

I'll take a crack at this. And, by the way, this is part of the reason I quickly left AFF; as a married man, you either have to outright lie--"Married? Naw, I'm single. Er... But you can never call my house, and sometimes when you call my cell I'll have to hang up quickly..."--or spend too much time explaining how you're not looking to end your marriage, you just want something on the side. Which is why we have to use terms like NSA.

And you're absolutely right, if you just want sex it's easier to just pay for it, and be done with it. There are some very hot girls out there, providing something called "girlfriend experience" (GFE), which is very cosy, intimate, and warm.

I started going to AM.com (and AFF for a very short while) because I wanted mutual attraction. I want a woman who wants me; that's a big turnon. But I'm not looking to end my marriage, and I do love my wife, and even though the sexual component is missing we have a good relationship, and I'm looking forward to being with her the rest of my life. I won't take chances to see other women; I don't want to lose what I have. If I ever have to choose, I'll choose the quick wank in the loo (or the long and leisurely one) and stay with her. But so far, I'm not having to choose... ;)

Anonymous said...

I think a lot of men view "no strings" for lack of emotional attachment. However, it's not something you can easily control. Emotions have a way to sneak up on you when you're with the right person.

To me, it could mean they don't want to spend time nurturing, reassuring or comforting someone else, like they do with their wife?

I try to avoid men who only want sex for sex. To me, it's just an empty relation.

Vixen said...

My interpretation of NSA (which I do NOT do well) is no emotional attachment. Or really any attachment at all.

There are SO many men on AFF that are looking for that NSA sex. I wonder how many women are there for the same thing...I have yet to meet one of them, lol.

And I *CLEARLY* state in my profile (I moonlight there for kicks, nothing more) that I am *NOT* looking for NSA. But that sure doesn't stop 80 men a day from contacting me for a 'fuck'. *rolls eyes*

I'll be interesting in coming back to see what more men say. Good topic/question.

Anonymous said...

Some men do want true "NSA" sex where they effectively come in, drop their pants, satisfy themselves and their partner, and leave.

I don't. I am a married man (sounds like the beginning of a personal ad, sorry) and I admit that I want to cheat on my wife. But it isn't only for the physical release it provides. There are two things I look for in an affair. 1) The sex, of course, but because it is a manifestation of the woman's attraction to me. While my wife may say she loves me 50 times a day it is how she acts in bed (or even in private) that is how I perceive her attraction for me. Cheap Trick had it right when they wrote "I want you to want me."

Second- there is the intimacy. I don't want to call it an emotional component because it is different. There is a bond and a freedom to communicate at a different level when you have had sex with someone. When I have had sex with prostitutes (I admit it) there has been an honesty and frankness that isn't there (even when with my wife). You can't discount the value of that intimacy.
My mother once said (after my father died) that men needed a mistress to be able to unload and be themselves with without wearing the shackles of everyday life and pressures. Dunno- maybe she was just trying to justify his affair as he was dying to herself and her 10 year old son just happened to be in the room.

Either way- True NSA is very rare, not all that rewarding, and I think shows that someone is looking for intimacy in all of the wrong places.

W said...

I am in agreement with thwya, his second paragraph really hits home and I view things in the same way. No matter how many times you may hear it, you still want to feel it. Without feeling it, love becomes an empty statement.

Florida Dom said...

Yummy Mummy: That guy really rattled your cage. So I'll turn the question around. What do you want?


Advizor said...

The Cheap Trick quote is the one that describes my wandering best.

I need to be needed. I want a woman who can't wait for my touch, for my call, for my kiss. I need her to call me and tell me she just took of her panties before she jumps in the shower, and I want her to call because she knows I like it.

"Love" within a marriage frequently turns in to "deep friendship" without the passion or need.

I need the need. That is why I cheat.

Anonymous said...

If I were to look for an alternate set of orifices I suppose I would start by saying NSA. But to me that would simply mean "I'm married, I intend to stay married, let's have fun for the sake of fun but understand that at the end of the fun I WILL go home to my wife and family." Is that the panacea we search? You bet! Sex for the sake of sex. But let's not be fooled. Sex involves strings that can be strong but not unbreakable. To believe otherwise is simply foolish.

Thanks for bringing this subject to light! Great topic and fabulous post!


~minta~ said...

i've tried to be the "girl out of town"..that pampers..greets at the door in new lingerie...cooks dinner...lites candles ..plays sexy music ...perform & satisy without expectations.....then....felt REALLY lonely when he would get back on the plane & go home to his family ....so i had to end it....it starts out with all the intentions of "having a little fun"NSA...but it always ends with sad broken feelings ....so either i suck at that game.....or it just doesnt work for women .....

Dewey's System said...

I think this depends on so many factors. #1 what kind of mood were you in when you read this? What about your sexual appetite when you read it? If you were cranky, or not feeling sexy, or just tired, etc, etc, I could see this bugging you. If you were feeling the need for a NSA kind of fuck then it probably wouldn't bug you. Ok that being said, #2 There is no such thing as a NSA fuck. There is always something. And especially from the womans side, there has to be a connection before you can simply remove your panties. Some kind of connection may or may not equal NSA, but it can and should have some element of affection - commitment. Fuck! It makes the sex all the more pleasurable and fun. Otherwise it's just two people getting off.

PDXsubcuck said...

I think that some guys dream about NSA sex but I'm not a real believer in it. I think if it really works for you that there is something wrong with you. I'll admit that when I was young I enjoyed sex with hookers (overseas as a teen) but I still "liked" them. Also I think the hookers that do best are the ones that manage to provide an illusion of a bit of romance.

One of the reasons we drifted away from "swinging" into more hotwife type thing is that a lot of swingers worry about even friendship and or kissing. Of course not all and from what I read it is getting better but when we were trying it romance or the illusion of romance and even friendship was a big "no-no" for a lot of the people we met.

My wife says she looks for the "illusion of romance" from a lover. I think she has had about four lovers, a lot more friends and a few fucks in the twenty plus years we have been playing. The best sex has been with the lovers.

I mean real NSA sounds worse than masturbating...I mean at least you like and respect your hand and real NSA seems worse than that to me. Kind of pathetic really.

A.L.: My wife has only one real objection to married men, most of them cannot "date" and she enjoys dating her lovers, with me along and just her and her lover and most local type married men just cannot do that. But she has a real problem actually meeting men that want to be "lovers" or at least friends and since it seems to happen a lot without really trying I don't understand the resistance to it.

My wife feels without some passion she shouldn't bother...there has to be a bit more than just friction sex.

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