One fucked up Friday night...

Sunday, April 18, 2010

I adore test driving a new lover. The thrill, the anticipation of it all. Lets face it, its hot! So this particular Friday night I had a new man to try out. We shall call him The Cowboy, for reasons I am not going to explain. But before I went to meet up with him, I caught with my friends for our usual Friday night drinks after work [after all, men come and go, girlfriends last forever(ish) ergo important to keep in touch] 

So there I was, sipping my glass of house Sav blanc when I spotted a bit of something tasty a couple of tables over having his Friday night drinks with work colleagues. I clocked the wedding ring after checking out his nice tight arse and with one more [possibly fatal, hey I need the dutch courage for The Cowboy] house Sav sliding down I made the decision to be bold, brave and ya do when you have quite clearly more than enough to drink.

I whipped out one of my business cards and wrote my cellphone number on the back and a formulated a plan to drop it in his lap as I made my move to leave. Outstanding plan so far? As it turns out, as I was getting up and leaving, so was he. I managed to catch him just out side the door and I slipped my business card into his pocket as I walked past him, the rest of the plan being he went his way and I went mine. Yeah I know, slick move right?

Well the first bit went exceedingly well, the business card managed to end up in his pocket but it turned out he was walking in the same direction as me. He pulled my card out of his pocket and said 'Wow, what's this?' I just flashed him a grin and kept walking. So then he starts reading out my card, specifically my name. He then turns to me and asks ' So do you know what my name is?' I think I avoided rolling my eyes at him [ I mean really, what a question] I shook my head and said 'No, what's your name?' 'My name is Paul xxxxxxxxx' he replied.

OMFG we shared the same last name! I mean really, what are the odds, especially given I do not have a very common last name. As we walked towards our cars we chatted about how we hoped we weren't related and he told me how he works just around the corner from me. As we came up beside his car I wished him a good weekend and a good night. As I walked away I could tell he was checking out my arse [as us women just can tell]. I got to my car and as I was climbing in he pulled up beside me and dropped down the window. 'So its ok if I call you?' he asked.....'Oh yes, absolutely!' was my reply. Same last name...some days I wonder if only shit like that happens to me...

So with one daring act out of the way it was off to spend sometime with The Cowboy. Now usually to cover up my nervousness I tend to be rather bold. So on arrival and after the pleasantries I decided to break the ice by whipping off my dress and straddling his lap wearing only my underwear, so far so good. Ice was broken and things started to move along swimmingly. His clothes came off as did the rest of my underwear. A bed was found and we started to get down and dirty with our nekkidness, until I noticed a small problem with the scenario.

He seemed to be, ummm well, rather soft and I don't mean that in a 'lovely soft skin' kind of way. A vital ingredient was definitely missing for our night of passion. Now I know that this is a hard thing to deal with when your a guy. Sometimes the mind is willing but the body just isn't playing along. So I started digging into my wee bag of tricks to see if I can get an... ahem... 'rise' out of him. Nothing really appeared to be working. Nothing. At. All. Short of me sticking my finger up his butt and I so wasn't going there, I couldn't see a solution to this particular issue.

Then he starts apologising, which as you all well know just makes it all worse. You kinda have two choices at that moment. Be a bitch, throw your clothes and high tail it out of there or hang it in there and try your damnedest to try and make him feel better. I chose the latter and suggested we just cuddle for a while. So we lay there and cuddle and I try to distract his mind with some varied and no doubt inane chatter about all sorts of stuff, all the while stroking my hands over the interests of brevity I will skip the hours worth of this...and finally he begins to relax and engage in the conversation. Then finally, my wandering hands notice that he's rising to the occasion, presumable as a result of just chilling out and my gentle stroking, hopefully it wasn't the story I was telling about riding elephants in Thailand I happened to be telling at the time [don't want to ponder the possibilities of this]

Anyway, with all the necessary ingredients present and correct to carry on our 'big night of fun' we start rolling around and he enters me...mmmm....he puts in a couple of long hard thrusts and I utter those [possibly fatal] words 'Oh yes, thats it, fuck me harder'....

And that, was pretty much that. I guessed that he wasn't going to return the orgasm favour when he rolled off and offered me a cup of tea [wtf is with men and offering tea after sex?] I politely declined his lovely offer of tea and this time threw my clothes on and high tailed it out of there. Seriously, I sometimes wonder, does only this kinda shit happen to me?


Anonymous said...

No Petal, it doesn't only happen to you :)

Hubman said...

There's only about 3000 people in the US with my last name- I'd have the same OMFG reaction as you!

I've had times when Mr Happy was a little slow to react or reluctant to perform (mostly when there are others watching), so I can sympathize with him a little bit. But 1-on-1? With you? I'd be ready to go in a heartbeat ;-)

Kimberly said...

Not returning the favour is such bad bedroom etiquette! The first guy sounds like an intriguing possibility...gotta love Fridays!

Anonymous said...

Nope, it doesnt just happen to you. And what is really fucked up is when you give the guy a second chance and he still cant get it up.
Im still scratching my head about that one.

Anonymous said...

No, unfortunately, it doesn't just happen to you. I've been on the other side of that scenario, and been fool enough to actually blog about it. I probably should have only blogged about the times when everything went swimmingly, but I just can't stop myself from typing. ;)

I'm interested to hear if anything comes of the other guy, though. There've been numerous times when I've wanted to give a woman my card or something along those lines, but I just can't bring myself to do it; how many women would really be willing to take a married man's number? hehe

Tom said...

Seems like really bad luck. Its hard to imagine its too common then again when you see the profits from viagra must be happening a lot.

Topaz said...

If a man doesn't attempt to return the favour, he's either (a) new, or (b) never getting another freakin chance. Especially as you were so patient with him! Man, I hope you give him a clue if he tries to get back in touch with you again...

Strega008 said...

That is F.....g funny. I appreciate at the time for you it was not, but from where I am reading your comments..I had to laugh!

God for bid it happens to me.

bdenied said...

so I gather the sexual experience was not so hot....ouch.......and my sense was he was not embarrassed either.....hard to get it up and a fast cummer.....Cowboy did not stay on the eight seconds to score a 10 now did he....but I love the adventure and the business card was are a real sexy hot lady.... Mr Limp noodle...not your problem

W said...

So sorry my dear, some guys really don't know how to treat a woman. Especially one as deserving as you.

Petal said...

Spring Flower: So glad it doesn't just happen to me!

Hubman: I wouldnt mind testing that heartbeat theory out with ya!

Kimberly: Sadly there are a lot of guys that have bad bedroom etiquette.

Red: Not a chance in hell I am going to repeat that performance, or the lack of!

A.L: I know what ya mean about cant stop yourself from typing, I too suffer from that problem...badly! Oh and the business card guy never did call.

Tom: Where would we be without viagra eh? oh yeah, where I was!

Topaz: Oh he got a clue alright, in a very polite but firm way.

Strega: Happy to make ya smile!

bdenied: No, the man didnt even stay on for 8 seconds!

W: Awww thank you for the lovely compliment :)

Anonymous said...

That sucked.

I hope the business card guy will be worth at least another post :)

Vixen said...


It had such a great beginning.


And WHAT IS with the tea afterwards?!

trinity-pup said...

Gosh, was he gay?! I would have thought any guy would get hard for you as you have a fab body! ;-)

t. x

◄Design by Pocket