So after the dust had settled what was left standing? Us, just us and a shared history of nearly 18 years together. 18 years of watching each other grow into adulthood, supporting each other through good times and some truly horrible times. 18 years of raising a family together, building a house together, building a business together, building a life together... did we really want to turn our backs on all of that, walk away, start again?
There were tears, tantrums and talking, and oh my god there was plenty of that! But after the dust had settled we both realised that we did have a marriage that was salvageable and more importantly we both wanted to salvage it. We still loved each other, deeply, in fact more so than when we first married. Sure, we had lost sight of each other. Whilst we had grown as individuals we had somehow lost sight of each other at the same time. It happens.
And so we began to repair what we had lost, reconnect with each other, communicate together in way we never had before. Nothing was spared, no stone unturned, no recess unexplored. At times it was a painful thing to do but it wasn't hard. It was all there all along, it just needed pulling out of each other. We have both learnt so many things about each other and indeed ourselves, it has been truly fantastic.
So here I am...I sit here today, still married to the most fantastic man in the world [in my humble opinion] a man that I am so very much still in love with, my best friend and as cheesy as this sounds, my soul mate. Ah, I hear you wonder.....what about the 'bits on the side'?
Well.....
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17 comments:
Well, indeed!
Glad to hear you are still standing, my dear.
Your experience (somewhat) mirrors mine: There was a lot of *stuff* out on the table--but it wasn't hard. I think that's the measure of the men that we married, respectively.
(Who the hell came up with the "marriage is work/marriage is hard" thing anyway? Things are only hard if you make them so.)
I've reading your blog for a while, but this is my first time commenting on your post.
I'm glad to know that you and your husband is working things out and the bond between you and him is something that you can't just give up. If love is there, it will not walk away - it will be there always. Good luck :)
Seriously girl.... you're killing me with the cliffhangers!
I'm so glad you two were able to work through it.
I am glad to hear that the result was not disasterous. But the bits on the side... do tell!
It's comforting to know such strength in marriage exists, and I'm happy for you to have it.
I agree with MsScarlett, and therefor dub you Ms.Cliffhanger.
I'm glad to hear that you and your hubby have been able to work past this.
LOL at Ms I- look who's talking!
Now get on with the story, Ms. Cliffhanger! (I like that nickname)
it's a tough conversation to have, and usually means lots of sleepless nights. I'm glad you are OK and working things out.
I went through something similar a couple of years back. It sometimes good to take stock and realise how good things are with people you know.
thanks for the update...and now for the bits
Good to know that you worked things out... But what about the bits ???
Glad to hear that your still ok...lol
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Sounds like you are on the right path :-)
Good luck finding your path.
Some interesting things you haven't commented on: how would you respond if it had been your husband having the affair? What if your husband came home one day and told you he was bisexual?
I ask because I wonder if you are intent on not having an affair again, or are you simply trying to maintain your marriage for however long it is that you can do so. If your husband came home tomorrow and suggested a threesome with another woman involved, would you do it? These may seem like off-the-wall questions, but they illustrate issues you're going to have to navigate--and carefully--if you want to rebuild/maintain your marriage. People don't have affairs out of the blue, and it's something that takes two to do--husband and wife, I mean. While I wish you well as you go forward on this effort (and wonder what the place of this blog might become in your life going forward), I have to wonder if someone who went so far as to position rubbers in her night table is going to be able to move away from the world of affairs so easily. It isn't just hard work, it requires personality changes, and there are damn few persons on the face of this earth who are willing to put themselves through that. Marriage is an accomodation, and doing so when one is young allows one to adapt one's personality to the marriage. You're now 18 years down that road. The plasticity in your personality isn't there as it once was. Perhaps it would be better to negotiate an open marriage and accept that there's a greater risk of it not working even in the near-term?
Just a thought...
Probably everyone's going to flame me now. Permit to get my asbestos body stocking on
wow, this is huge. i'm so happy for you that you've decided to work on things. marriage is difficult and it takes a lot to work on it. good for you both! and the bits? i'll be waiting to read on that. :)
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