Kinky

Friday, June 12, 2009

When I'm not actually having a lot of extra-martial sex, I tend to spend a lot of time thinking about sex, watching it and talking about it....mainly with Mr Big. The darling deviant that he is, really wants to know how deviant I am and how kinky I would like to get. To be honest I found his question kind of hard to answer because deviancy and kinkiness is based on the opinion of the individual. So I had to go and look up the definitions online, dictionary.com states:

Kinky
Slang
.
marked by unconventional sexual preferences or behavior, as fetishism, sadomasochism, or the like.

Deviant
–adjective
1.deviating or departing from the norm; characterized by deviation: deviant social behavior.
–noun
2.a person or thing that deviates or departs markedly from the accepted norm.

Based off these definitions, kinky and deviant is what you are/your behaviour is when you depart from the 'norms' of society. When what you do and what your into is different from everyone else.

So what do you call normal then? I suppose we can take cues from the people around us, things/behaviour portrayed in the media, the fabric of society that surrounds us. I read an online article the other day [and can't find the link for it!] that stated that studies from our parents generation showed that giving/receiving oral sex was the number one thing fantasised about and was not as a rule part of 'normal' sexual play at that time.

Today, I very much doubt that oral is not included somewhere during sex and indeed is probably expected by both parties. Which I suppose shows that the 'norm' of society is forever shifting and changing. Anal sex is probably another really good example of this, certainly more common place now day, or perhaps maybe just talked about more? hard to tell I suppose.

For me, I think what sums up kinky and deviant is getting into stuff that I haven't done before. My married sex life is not particularly vanilla. There is not a lot that the H and I haven't tried and enjoyed! So there is a whole lot of stuff that I don't think of as kinky, to me its just normal, although I imagine that much of the population would think that its kinky as hell!

When I think kinky, I think of sexual activities like swinging. Not something that I have tried [although I would very much like to!] There is definitely a kind of deviancy to it that appeals very much to me! So how did I answer Mr Big's question?

Why don't you tie me up and find out! *wink*

9 comments:

Hubman said...

Tie you up? Don't tempt me ;-)

As a swinger, I think of myself more as deviant than kinky. Kinky is when I eat my wifes pussy after cuming in it...

Get8More said...

Instead of kinky or deviant how about the words open and inventive?

Steve said...

I don't think the word deviant should be applied to legitimate desires. To me Deviant seems to imply something grossly immoral and/or legally wrong. Kinky seems more sexy to me.

I think the basic summary is you (and I :) ) have desires that cannot be openly shared with all ... only like minded individual can understand. Without the internet many of us would likely live in our head not knowing we have company in our desires.

Advizor said...

I have to agree with Steve on the use of "Deviant." To me that implies desires, fixations that border on obsession, or derangement, a loss of control, or lack of clear thinking. Deviant, to me, is a much stronger word than Kinky.

Kinky has an playful quality to it, as in, "Hey, let's get Kinky." Granted, leather bondage suits, rope worship, and autoerotic asphyxiation are "kinky" to some, while to others "Kinky" means doing it on the couch while the kids are asleep down the hall.

My wife is certainly an example of the generational differences. She grew up with oral sex being a huge taboo, in fact, she wondered allowed how many women even did it for their husbands, expressing a discomfort level that I had never seen before.

My friends, with teenagers and older, say, along with CNN adn the NY Times, that oral sex among teens is sometimes the FIRST sexual experience they have. This is a huge shift in expected behavior. Thank you President Clinton.

While I doubt that anal sex will ever be as common as a blow job, it certainly has moved from "deviant" to "kinky" in the past few years.

Another excellent and thoughtful post.

Topaz said...

What activities are socially acceptable have greatly increased over the past few years due to the ease and availability of information... it makes so many things acceptable in so many different groups, anyone can find their fix anywhere with a few clicks of a button, no? I think this is one case where the evolution of language needs to revisit the definition of 'kink' and 'deviant'...

My first inclination would be to define them against the circles you move in. For example, 'cheating' is still a no-no... I would never admit it publicly. Then again, I wouldn't admit half the shit I do IRL... would we consider all of those 'naughty' things kinks?

Sorry for rambling... :)

The Flirt said...

Yeah, I'd love to tie you up real good all right... :D

Passion said...

Not so long ago I was a good straight girl..then one dark night with a little too much booze and a gay friend I discovered FM/FM love. Kinky? Probably not, just a new interest to follow, something new to try. Now I'm thinking I should have tried it years ago...bring on the new experiences I say.

bdenied said...

well this post was great and the comment you left at Mykeys blog showed just how kinky things impress you....

MyKey said...

Well compared to society as a whole even revelling in an affair is probably considered a bit naughty, so much for that measuring scale...

I think what mr big really wants to know is how much can he push you, how much can you push him. It's exciting talking about all the things you might do together. Sex is in the mind after all.

Something tells me that he won't be disappointed :)

 
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