Make your bed and lie in it....

Tuesday, June 23, 2009

So there it was, in black and white. The question that I never wanted to have asked and the situation that I knew was going to inevitably happen one day. My husband had caught me cheating. So what do you do?

Lie and deny?

Or tell the truth.....

Given I am not particularly good at lying, especially to a man that has known me for nearly 18 years. I chose to tell the truth. Confess all. Every detail, the good, the bad and the ugly.

I didn't know what his reaction would really be, I could only guess and make a supposition based on knowing him for so long. But no one really knows how another person is going to react. It was a 50/50 thing. It was either going to end our marriage or change it irrevocably, for better or worse.

And our marriage needed to change. I had changed as a person but our marriage had remained stagnant, locked in a time warp that was no longer relevant to either of us. We were living the marriage of the people we used to be, not the people we had grown into.

I know, its a hell of a way to make changes in your marriage. Go out and fuck other men then confess it to him when your caught out at it. I suppose I could have sat him down and talk to him, but he wasn't interested in listening and I didn't know how to express myself. We both knew what we were doing, what our marriage was, wasn't working out as well as it could. Yes, it was comfortable, it was easy, it was low-stress, but somewhere along the way we had lost sight of each other and indeed ourselves.

Do I regret it, any of it? Do I regret telling him? No. Not a single part of it, in any way, shape or form. I do regret the hurt that it caused him. I think in many ways, my infidelity was a cry for help. It was a way of projecting the changes that I wanted to happen in my life. No one cheats on their partner for no reason what so ever. Telling him, instead of denying it was going to force change to happen. No matter if that change was bad.

So after all that was said and done, and the dust had settled, where did that leave me, my husband and our marriage?

15 comments:

Gray said...

I would hope that would lead your marriage to a better place. But you are right, no one cheats for no reason.

*stays tune to see what happens next*

bdenied said...

well Petal the cat is out of the bag so to speak but I think and its only my opinion that since you have now tasted the fruit of the forbidden, you will have to continue to sample it and hopefully your husband will go along with it....but in my opinion no woman should have to only be forced to have sex with just one man.....which I suppose is why Im the cuckold husband....but I love it that way

Advizor said...

in my case the admissions of guilt were over two years ago and the shockwaves are still rolling. we are still together, but changed deeply.

i wish you the best of luck, the most fervent wishes for happiness, and wisdom in making your choices going forward.

asweetnectar said...

well my dear...I wish you luck in whichever route your road travels.....warm hugs...this is the post we all dread to read.

JANE said...

quite the master of the cliffhanger, you are.

I hope things grow beautifully from here. That can't be pleasant or easy. :-(

hoodie said...

You are so the tease.

I hope the changes to come are good ones :)

Ron in Florida (Ronald10021) said...

Wow....another great post with a cliffhanger....

Aurore said...

And...?

I think it incredibly brave to be honest and upfront when confronted.

Hubman said...

Like you, I was confronted with hard evidence and choose to confess everything. That was a little over a year ago and today we're in a fantastic place, happier than ever.

Waiting impatiently for the next chapter....

Enchanted Mistress said...

You did what was best. Hope all works out for you and your marriage. Keep us posted..

Topaz said...

I had a feeling you would go with the truth, and what a gutsy move. That need for change is so out of our hands, and now with your husband. My heart goes out to both of you, this will not be an easy time, but I'm glad you did what you felt was right.
*hugs*

Me said...

I wish you all the best. Keep us posted !

Steve said...

I went through that same moment in my first affair ... lie or admit. I was so ready for a change that I told the truth. After the initial pain and recrimination and remorse at what I had done to her I actually found the couples therapy useful at building up a new relationship. The more it came to her admitting her faults in the relationship, the more she resisted. The therapist finally told me privately that I had to either accept it the way is was or separate as she was incapable of change. I tried but found that my desire for the marriage slowly faded away. Of course I am in new affair and now just figuring a way out. At times I wonder if it would have been easier to just lie?

I hope this works better for you.

Steve said...

P.S. By way out, I meant way out of my marriage.

autumn said...

i think you're right. with cheating there are usually underlying issues and reasons for it. wow, this is crazy girl. i'll be reading on to hear more for sure.

 
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