Make your bed and lie in it....

So there it was, in black and white. The question that I never wanted to have asked and the situation that I knew was going to inevitably happen one day. My husband had caught me cheating. So what do you do?

Lie and deny?

Or tell the truth.....

Given I am not particularly good at lying, especially to a man that has known me for nearly 18 years. I chose to tell the truth. Confess all. Every detail, the good, the bad and the ugly.

I didn't know what his reaction would really be, I could only guess and make a supposition based on knowing him for so long. But no one really knows how another person is going to react. It was a 50/50 thing. It was either going to end our marriage or change it irrevocably, for better or worse.

And our marriage needed to change. I had changed as a person but our marriage had remained stagnant, locked in a time warp that was no longer relevant to either of us. We were living the marriage of the people we used to be, not the people we had grown into.

I know, its a hell of a way to make changes in your marriage. Go out and fuck other men then confess it to him when your caught out at it. I suppose I could have sat him down and talk to him, but he wasn't interested in listening and I didn't know how to express myself. We both knew what we were doing, what our marriage was, wasn't working out as well as it could. Yes, it was comfortable, it was easy, it was low-stress, but somewhere along the way we had lost sight of each other and indeed ourselves.

Do I regret it, any of it? Do I regret telling him? No. Not a single part of it, in any way, shape or form. I do regret the hurt that it caused him. I think in many ways, my infidelity was a cry for help. It was a way of projecting the changes that I wanted to happen in my life. No one cheats on their partner for no reason what so ever. Telling him, instead of denying it was going to force change to happen. No matter if that change was bad.

So after all that was said and done, and the dust had settled, where did that leave me, my husband and our marriage?

Honey, why are there condoms in your bedside drawer?

This question is enough to send chills down the spine of any adulterer, it certainly sent them down mine when my H asked this question of me. The H who has had a vasectomy.

So what do you say when your asked this question?

There are two choices, you lie and deny or you cough up the truth and live with the consequences.

So you are probably wondering what I replied......


[As a note: these events happened quite some time ago]

The Accidental Adulterer

The one thing that truly, deeply irritates me about the bit on the side is his stance to adultery, specifically our affair. The guy is the pin up boy for Mr Morals, which is fine, just because you have sex with someone other than your husband/wife, it doesn't mean you cant be a moral person. But he takes it one step further and refuses to plan an adulterous encounter. He says he likes it to be random and spontaneous but I think that he feels if encounters are planned in anyway then he's consenting to the adultery and that makes him feel very uncomfortable. Which means our relationship revolves a lot around car sex.

Don't get me wrong, I love car sex. But it would be nice to have sex somewhere else more often like a bed, the shower, in a hotel room, hell anywhere but in the car! We have occasionally had sex in other places like my house, his house, my work and his too. But neither of us feel particularly comfortable in any of those four places and when your not feeling comfortable its hard to really enjoy the moment.

I also would love to be able to 'get ready' for our encounters. Make sure that I'm looking at my very best, freshly waxed, shaved, moisturised and wearing gorgeous knickers, that sort of thing. I think it would add another exciting dimension, build on the anticipation. As it is, my wardrobe has evolved to suit our random, spontaneous encounters as I never quite know if I will see him on any given day. So trousers have been thrown out and skirts and dresses now feature heavily (for easy access) Beautiful underwear is wore every day, not just on special occasions and my personal maintenance has increased ten-fold, which is probably not a bad thing really.

Hmmmm maybe I should just book the room, send the invite and see what happens?

I promise I will add the second part of wifely duties this week, I just felt the need to get this particular bug-bear off my chest!