One door closes....

So there it is.....the story about how I was caught cheating by my husband and the aftermath. But there is one small loose end that needs wrapping up doesn't it? Whatever happened to my 'bits on the side'?

Well... nothing. They are still there. I have somehow inexplicitly ended up with an open marriage. I was more than willing to give up my guys, to wipe the slate clean and start afresh. But my husband pointed out the unlikeliness of me remaining faithful, ad infinitum. He pointed out that it seem to be something I need and want and my infidelity wasn't just only a by-product of our marriage difficulties. Besides, he said, 'Its just so very you'.

So, as one door closes, another one opens....

I know I could and perhaps should add a lot more to this post about how I feel about this and indeed what shape this new open marriage of ours is going to take but I think for now this is enough. I am sure all of the details will emerge over time as I keep blogging....Yup, I'm not going anywhere and neither is my blog! Although, I am left with the dilemma of do I change my blog name and layout or not......argh!!

When its all said and done......

So after the dust had settled what was left standing? Us, just us and a shared history of nearly 18 years together. 18 years of watching each other grow into adulthood, supporting each other through good times and some truly horrible times. 18 years of raising a family together, building a house together, building a business together, building a life together... did we really want to turn our backs on all of that, walk away, start again?

There were tears, tantrums and talking, and oh my god there was plenty of that! But after the dust had settled we both realised that we did have a marriage that was salvageable and more importantly we both wanted to salvage it. We still loved each other, deeply, in fact more so than when we first married. Sure, we had lost sight of each other. Whilst we had grown as individuals we had somehow lost sight of each other at the same time. It happens.

And so we began to repair what we had lost, reconnect with each other, communicate together in way we never had before. Nothing was spared, no stone unturned, no recess unexplored. At times it was a painful thing to do but it wasn't hard. It was all there all along, it just needed pulling out of each other. We have both learnt so many things about each other and indeed ourselves, it has been truly fantastic.

So here I am...I sit here today, still married to the most fantastic man in the world [in my humble opinion] a man that I am so very much still in love with, my best friend and as cheesy as this sounds, my soul mate. Ah, I hear you wonder.....what about the 'bits on the side'?

Well.....

Make your bed and lie in it....

So there it was, in black and white. The question that I never wanted to have asked and the situation that I knew was going to inevitably happen one day. My husband had caught me cheating. So what do you do?

Lie and deny?

Or tell the truth.....

Given I am not particularly good at lying, especially to a man that has known me for nearly 18 years. I chose to tell the truth. Confess all. Every detail, the good, the bad and the ugly.

I didn't know what his reaction would really be, I could only guess and make a supposition based on knowing him for so long. But no one really knows how another person is going to react. It was a 50/50 thing. It was either going to end our marriage or change it irrevocably, for better or worse.

And our marriage needed to change. I had changed as a person but our marriage had remained stagnant, locked in a time warp that was no longer relevant to either of us. We were living the marriage of the people we used to be, not the people we had grown into.

I know, its a hell of a way to make changes in your marriage. Go out and fuck other men then confess it to him when your caught out at it. I suppose I could have sat him down and talk to him, but he wasn't interested in listening and I didn't know how to express myself. We both knew what we were doing, what our marriage was, wasn't working out as well as it could. Yes, it was comfortable, it was easy, it was low-stress, but somewhere along the way we had lost sight of each other and indeed ourselves.

Do I regret it, any of it? Do I regret telling him? No. Not a single part of it, in any way, shape or form. I do regret the hurt that it caused him. I think in many ways, my infidelity was a cry for help. It was a way of projecting the changes that I wanted to happen in my life. No one cheats on their partner for no reason what so ever. Telling him, instead of denying it was going to force change to happen. No matter if that change was bad.

So after all that was said and done, and the dust had settled, where did that leave me, my husband and our marriage?

Honey, why are there condoms in your bedside drawer?

This question is enough to send chills down the spine of any adulterer, it certainly sent them down mine when my H asked this question of me. The H who has had a vasectomy.

So what do you say when your asked this question?

There are two choices, you lie and deny or you cough up the truth and live with the consequences.

So you are probably wondering what I replied......


[As a note: these events happened quite some time ago]

Bursting bubbles....

I am a bubble person, I live in a bubble. No one comes into my bubble and, with great reluctance will I ever step out of it. I have never been a good communicator of my thoughts and feeling to those around me and to those that are close to me. My husband has for many, many years [well since the beginning of our relationship really] told me that I have put up walls around myself and I will not let anyone in. So that is what I mean when I say I live in a bubble.

Something happened in my life a while ago that catapulted me out of my bubble....spectacularly, and life hasn't quite been the same since. Indeed this is not a bad thing, I needed to learn to communicate more and better with the people in my life and I have notice that my blog has/is reflecting this change in me.

As I'm opening up more to those in my life I am doing so here as well. I find that hard, very hard for one that has lived in a bubble for so long.

When I first started this blog, it was only ever written with intention of sharing tales of my sexual adventures inside and outside of my marriage. My random thoughts on infidelity, sex and relationships between men and women. The things that I needed to get out there but were unsuitable for discussion in polite company. Infidelity is a hard secret to keep and very rarely do we have someone we can share it with, all of it. A blog allows for that wonderful, cathartic outlet.

So dear readers, I ask you to bear with me as I step out of my bubble and let all of you into my life and share with you the extraordinary changes and events that have shaped my life this year.I promise I will be back soon with titillating tales of my sexual adventures but first there is some stuff I need to get off my chest!

O is for Orgasmic Meme

I am not really one for doing these sorts of things, but this meme that I found on Hubman and Veronicas blogs really appealed to me! It appealed to me because of a conversation I had with my beauty therapist the other day when she was doing my wax.

I have been going to her for my monthly brazilian for a couple of years now and we get on really well. As we have gotten to know each other better she has become more open about all sort of things, mainly sex, because as she says she feels really comfortable talking to me about it and I seem to know lots about it (I am 11 years older than her but wouldn't call myself and expert!)

She asked my opinion about whether she should go to a sex therapist as she had never had an orgasm. After a bit of gentle questioning, she revealed that she never masturbates and none of her boyfriends have ever got her off.

I suggested that she should perhaps invest in a good quality toy, teem it up with a nice glass of wine, bubble bath and a bit of self-exploration. Practice and exploration on her own was probably the best way to get there, then she could show her boyfriend what will work for her. I was absolutely stunned that she had reached the age of 25 without every achieving an orgasm.

Please also visit Vanillaimpaired , the originator of the meme and join in the fun too!

1. What’s your favourite way to have an orgasm?

My current favourite way is while being fucked from behind with my toy on my clit, there is something about the feeling of a cock inside you when you cum. But at the end of the day, any orgasm is a good orgasm!

2. Do you use a sex toy? Hands? or both?

Pretty much both, although I must say I do love my toys and will 9/10 times use my toy (batteries willing!)

3. Do you have a favourite time of day or night that you like to pleasure yourself or have sex?

Funny enough, I am at my horniest at about 2pm, so if I'm going to indulge in some self gratification it will be at this time of the day, if I'm able. Otherwise I love sex at anytime of the day, except maybe mornings, I'm definitely not a morning person!

4. Do you feel you have different types of orgasms?

As in clitoral or g-spot? I have only ever had one g-spot orgasm, the rest have been from clitoral stimulation. As for intensity, they are often different, depending on how much sex I have been having, time of month, stress level etc...

5. Do you have a position or a technique that always guarantees an orgasm?

No, I cant say that I have discovered a position or technique that is fail-safe. Since the brain is our biggest sexual organ, I find that if the head is in the right place the orgasm will follow no matter how I go about achieving that.

6. Is having your clit directly stimulated pleasurable for you? What about after an orgasm?

Absolutely! I need to have my clit stimulated directly to cum and its very pleasurable. Afterward I find that touching my clit is incredibly intense, in an almost painful way.

7. Do you masturbate/pleasure yourself?

Hell yes!

8. Has your self pleasuring repertoire/routine/technique changed or evolved over time?

No, not really. Although I have noticed that my 'sweet spot' has moved lower over the years. But the same basic DIY method that worked for me at 14 still works for me now.

9. Are sex toys part of your self pleasuring or with a partner? Or both?

Very much so, I like using toys alone and with my partners.

10. If you enjoy using sex toys how often do you upgrade your equipment?

I havent actually worn out any of my toys yet, but then I keep adding new ones to my collection so none of them have had a chance to wear out yet!

11. Whats the most intense orgasm you have ever had?

The most intense orgasm I have had was when I had sex for the first time after giving birth to my second son. Maybe it was all the hormones and not having had any for two month, but I remember I just about screamed with pleasure and the intensity of it.

12. How often do you orgasm? Daily, more than once a day, weekly, monthly….???

Usually daily, but on average at least 5 times a week.

13. Do you regard orgasm to be a stress reliever?

Most definitely! Quite often this is what drives me to masturbation, needing the stress relieving aspect of it.

14. What happens to you after orgasm? Full of energy, a bit lala or ready to go to sleep?

I usually want to go to sleep, or not do very much at all for a while. I find its a fabulous sleeping pill!

15. Have you ever squirted?

Not that I'm aware of, although the original bit on the side thinks he saw it once while watching me with my toy....wishful thinking on his part me thinks!

16. Do you fantasize when you masturbate? Or do you just get right down to it?

Of course! its often fantasy that drives me to masturbate and I couldn't imagine doing it without fantasising.

17. What do you like about having an orgasm? Is it important you have an orgasm every time?

I love the intense 'rush' that an orgasm gives you. Hard to explain or describe, you all know what I mean! Its not important for me to have an orgasm every time I have sex but most definitely preferable!

Absence does NOT make the heart grow fonder!

I'm in a snit, why? because I need a 'bit on the side' fuck. And its not there, I'm not getting any and I don't think I'm getting any this week either. Scheduling issues. Bah-fucking-humbug to scheduling issues.

Helicopter guy is well........who knows. Not really that worried about that one, he came, he saw, he conquered. I'm more than happy to leave it where we left it, on high note. For all his gorgeous body, good looks and fabulous sexual prowess, I really wasn't feeling it. It was lovely and satisfying but not enough to chase down for more.

The original bit on the side? well if he actually got his cock out and used it, I would be there with bells on, since he's not, I'm not. Nothing more frustrating than a clit tease! And good grief what a bloody tease he is. I do not count the couple of Friday nights ago hot n heavy make out session in the park whilst looking at pics of his wife's pussy as getting any! Yes, I know, this relationship has taken a strange and bizzare twist and I really need to write a post about it.

Mr Big.....scheduling issues. And to be honest I'm not seeing a window for a get together on the horizon either. The man has had three days off in the last five weeks. Workaholic me thinks, or just an inability to say no. Which leaves me wanting......wanting him, wanting a fuck, wanting him to grab me by the hair and tell me what a dirty slut I am before fucking me hard and fast. Bah-fucking-humbug!

I think I may just have broken my writers block tho.....hey that's progress on at least one level!

Last Time

The last time......I had sex was last night. It was one of those fabulously, lazy married fucks. The kind where you climb into bed and you wanna have sex but you really cant be bothered going all out and swinging from the chandelier. We have evolved a routine that works for us on those kind of nights and it goes something like this....

While I'm waiting for him to finish up in the shower, I climb into bed and get my toy out and start playing with myself. Sliding my toy down my pussy, over my clit, lubing it up with my own juices. When he joins me, he lays there, watching me play with my nipples, tease my clit with my toy, all the while lazily stroking his cock. He might lean over and play with my nipples or scoot down the bed to get a closer view of what I'm doing with my toy, sometimes even lending a finger or two to the action.

I roll onto all fours and wiggle my ass as an invitation for him to fuck me. With no hesitation, he will come up behind me, rub his cock over my dripping pussy before plunging in. I absolutely adore the sensation of my pussy being filled up with a hard cock while my toy vibrates against my clit and he tells me that he loves the feeling of the toy vibrating throughout my pussy and into his cock. Needless to say, neither of us usually last too long! And that, is our lazy fuck.

I apologise for the brevity of this post, I think I'm suffering from writers block at the moment, or should that be 'sex' writing block? Please visit these other fabulous bloggers who no doubt have far more interesting and titillating tales on this topic than I to share with you all.... Oh and a huge thank you to Kimberly at Errant wife for organising this months topic!

Danimo

Hubman

Sheba

Bdenied

Enchanted Mistress

Aurore

Topaz

Ronjazz

Autumn

Kimberly

Kinky

When I'm not actually having a lot of extra-martial sex, I tend to spend a lot of time thinking about sex, watching it and talking about it....mainly with Mr Big. The darling deviant that he is, really wants to know how deviant I am and how kinky I would like to get. To be honest I found his question kind of hard to answer because deviancy and kinkiness is based on the opinion of the individual. So I had to go and look up the definitions online, dictionary.com states:

Kinky
Slang. marked by unconventional sexual preferences or behavior, as fetishism, sadomasochism, or the like.

Deviant

–adjective

1.deviating or departing from the norm; characterized by deviation: deviant social behavior.

–noun

2.a person or thing that deviates or departs markedly from the accepted norm.

Based off these definitions, kinky and deviant is what you are/your behaviour is when you depart from the 'norms' of society. When what you do and what your into is different from everyone else.

So what do you call normal then? I suppose we can take cues from the people around us, things/behaviour portrayed in the media, the fabric of society that surrounds us. I read an online article the other day [and can't find the link for it!] that stated that studies from our parents generation showed that giving/receiving oral sex was the number one thing fantasised about and was not as a rule part of 'normal' sexual play at that time.

Today, I very much doubt that oral is not included somewhere during sex and indeed is probably expected by both parties. Which I suppose shows that the 'norm' of society is forever shifting and changing. Anal sex is probably another really good example of this, certainly more common place now day, or perhaps maybe just talked about more? hard to tell I suppose.

For me, I think what sums up kinky and deviant is getting into stuff that I haven't done before. My married sex life is not particularly vanilla. There is not a lot that the H and I haven't tried and enjoyed! So there is a whole lot of stuff that I don't think of as kinky, to me its just normal, although I imagine that much of the population would think that its kinky as hell!

When I think kinky, I think of sexual activities like swinging. Not something that I have tried [although I would very much like to!] There is definitely a kind of deviancy to it that appeals very much to me! So how did I answer Mr Big's question?

Why don't you tie me up and find out! *wink*

Can sex be a hobby?

I was sitting in traffic the other day and I spotted a bumper sticker that said "A bad days fishing is better than a great day in the office". Which made me wonder, is an average afternoon spent fucking better than a great day in the office? and if it is, can fucking be a hobby?

One thing I really enjoy about playing around is the escape from reality that sex provides. Losing yourself in a different world, one of your own creation. Relief from the stresses of the world, not having to be you or even the persona that the rest of the world knows you by. Let alone the tension release that an orgasm can provide.

Which also makes me wonder about something else. I am very dominant in my everyday life, I run a business and a home. I am the go-to person for everything, the decision-maker, the person that carries the can. Its stressful, I love it but its a huge amount of responsibility to carry everyday. Maybe that is the attraction to sexual submissiveness? The desire to let go and allow someone else to make the decisions, be in charge, direct me?