There are no doubt as many reasons why people stray from their marriages are there are people that stray. Ask ten people and you will probably get ten different answers. I don't think that one single reason covers it either. Its a complex mix of reasons that is unique to every individual that does this.
So why do I? Well for a start I fell into it. An accidental adulterer if you could call it that. He was there, I was tempted and so it happened. Although I don't think it would have happened if there wasn't something missing in my life though. Lets face it, when we are married, there is temptation everywhere, we don't always act on it, in fact most of the time we don't give it a second thought.
Messing around with the bit on the side made me realise that there was more than just sex missing in my life. Maybe I should rephrase that to, more than just an orgasm missing. Because sex is about so much more than just the orgasm, I can achieve an orgasm on my own with just as much pleasure in a fairly short time frame, no man or mess involved!. No, sex involves touching another person, connecting on a level, sharing yourself and taking from them and lots of other wonderful things that are far beyond just an orgasm.
I was missing that touching, that sharing, that connecting with another person just as much as I was missing a good hard fuck. Its not like my H doesn't touch me, he does. He cuddles and kisses me and randomly touches me just for the hell of it. We don't have sex as often as I would like, obviously, but the sex we do have is fantastic and satisfying. But I miss the, well, intimacy that goes with having sex.
The other reasons I look for it elsewhere are ego and selfishness. Usually not nice traits that we want to think about in our personalities. But if I am honest with myself, I love having my ego stroked by the fact another man finds me attractive, wants to fuck me. There is nothing that will bolster your self esteem like it! (other than incredibly sexy lingerie that's very flattering)
I'm also a selfish creature, that's not to say that I'm not giving and generous person, but I am also inherently selfish. I know the difference between wants and needs and I choose to selfishly believe that some of my wants are needs instead, why else would I screw around on my H.
There are a whole lot more reasons why I dip my toe out of the marital bed, these are probably just the major ones. Its hard to look inwards and reason out why I do this, instead of just dismissively saying 'because I can'. But I think if you gain anything at all out infidelity, it should at least be a better understanding of yourself (and secondly some seriously good sex!)
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6 comments:
I can relate to both of those reasons.
Regarding the intimacy, that is something that I didn't even know I was missing until I started getting it from my lover. Once I did I felt like "Whoa, THIS is what intimacy is!" and thinking back, I am not sure I ever intimacy to this degree in my marriage. Touching, cuddling, yes... but those things do not intimacy make.
For what it's worth, I totally understand where you're coming from..
I do think that attaining a better understanding of one's self is completely unavoidable in infidelity...
Hey...maybe it should be prescribed as therapy? No. No...that's a bad idea, isn't it?
I do like hearing other people's reasons. They're so varied that we're bound to find someone with the same motivations as our own. I didn't really miss the intimacy, but the attention is nearly addictive.
Wayward Wife: Your right about the intimacy, I didn't realise that I was missing it in my life until I experienced it with the bit on the side, sadly it is only small and rare flashes I get from him.
PJay: Thank you for your comment, its nice to know that someone else 'gets' me!
Ms. I : Loving the idea that it could be prescribed as therapy! I can just imagine a shrink saying 'Now my dear, go out and have an affair, then come back and tell me about it, better yet, write a blog about it & you will have a better understanding of yourself!'
I am fascinated by other people's reasons, which is how I ended up in cyberspace reading about other peoples affairs, seeking a better understanding of myself and my own reasons.
" I love having my ego stroked by the fact another man finds me attractive, wants to fuck me. There is nothing that will bolster your self esteem like it!"
That is so true !! It's one of the many reasons I do it. True words of wisdom !
Me: Its seriously addictive isn't it? Bit like chocolate, only better!
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