The winds of change....

Friday, February 6, 2009

The winds of change are blowing in my life, a gentle breeze is pushing one man away and bringing others in. My blog is a little bit random with all sorts kinda chucked in and in no particular order, so I thought I would bring you up to date with where its all currently at.

My relationship with the bit on the side is almost at the end. It was inevitable that it was going to end one day, as these things do. Although I have pushed it to its conclusion so I could move on. I shall explain. When the bit on the side and I first started our adventure, it was all on. Anywhere, any time, we couldn't get enough of each other and there was nothing that we didn't do or try. It was passionate and lust-fuelled, as these things are and should be.

Then reality kicked in for him, he was cheating and he wasn't too comfortable with that. We stopped having sex and just kept to 'messing around'. Oddly enough oral sex, blow jobs etc. according to him were fine, actually having sex with me was 'too much like cheating'. I haven't even tried to figure that one out but it didn't worry me, he was happy & I was happy. Given the limited circumstances of being able to get together, that was about all we could fit into the time & space available. All good.

So what has made me want to end it? The lack of sex? partially. No, its something far worse....the dreaded E word. Yup 'emotions'. I have known the bit on the side for about 6 years and we have been lovers for nearly 2 years. Our friendship has always fun, casual and based on a mutual interest in sex. But there has always been that 'something' else lurking there, just a bit beyond just pure lust. We both know its there and we both do everything to avoid acknowledging that its there. Just a little push, a little letting go, would be all it would take to send us catapulting beyond lust in to something more.

Over the passage of time, feelings have developed for him. I can't have feelings like this for another man. I have my husband who is my best friend, my soul mate, the other half that makes me whole. It just can't be. So I have created the end.

The bit on the side is currently sulking as I have told him I need sex and I am actively looking for it elsewhere. Did I tell him this hoping to get a reaction, hoping he might offer (even though I knew it wasn't in the offering) ? hell yeah, and it was probably an unkind thing to do. He took it well, all things considered. Asked if we would still chat and be friends, of course we will! Asked if we would still 'play around'? sorry Hun, I don't know, I can't answer that one yet.

So where to from here? Damn good question! That's the fun thing about life, you never know what's around the corner! I have found it very hard to write this post. I can write all day about sex, steamy encounter and all that kind of thing but I find it incredibly difficult to scratch beyond that surface to write and express how I feel, my emotions and bigger things.

Phew! that has you all caught up. Very soon I am hoping to introduce you to someone new........


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