Having one relationship is hard enough, some days I think I'm completely cracked trying to have two. Especially one that doesn't fit into a defined 'box'. For a start what the heck do I call him (Mr Big, in case your wondering what the hell I'm on about...don't worry I often do!) a lover? my boyfriend? a very, very good friend with some outstanding benefits? nah that last one is a bit long. I like the term boyfriend, its kinda cute but I'm not sure it quite fits.
And then there's defining the boundaries of the relationship. He's single, I'm not. It was all so much easier when we were a couple of adulterers. There are the rules of adultery to follow, you know the ones...don't text after hours, daytime meetings only, basic facts about each other is the only information shared etc...Now I wonder and worry about how much we should see and talk to each other. I also suspect I worry about this stuff far too much. Its really hard finding the boundaries though. How much relationship is enough but not too much?
I know he sees me than more than a fuck buddy, someone he has feelings for and that it has evolved into being about more than just sex but what exactly is more? And I feel the same of him but at the end of the day, I'm married to someone else, I'm not a single girl and potential girlfriend. Oh I know we are still very much in an evolutionary phase and probably will be for sometime to come, so much has happened not only in our own lives but together that we are still finding our way.
From where we started as a couple of sneaky-on-the-side adulterers to being able to have a relationship out in the open and in front of everyone has been a heck of journey, one that even after seven months feels very much like its just beginning. So I guess I now can call myself polyamorous, husband in one hand and boyfriend in the other.
Oh and after eleven weeks apart, Mr Big and I finally got to spend sometime together one night last week...
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