Relationships...

Monday, November 9, 2009

Having one relationship is hard enough, some days I think I'm completely cracked trying to have two. Especially one that doesn't fit into a defined 'box'. For a start what the heck do I call him (Mr Big, in case your wondering what the hell I'm on about...don't worry I often do!) a lover? my boyfriend? a very, very good friend with some outstanding benefits? nah that last one is a bit long. I like the term boyfriend, its kinda cute but I'm  not sure it quite fits.

And then there's defining the boundaries of the relationship. He's single, I'm not. It was all so much easier when we were a couple of adulterers. There are the rules of adultery to follow, you know the ones...don't text after hours, daytime meetings only, basic facts about each other is the only information shared etc...Now I wonder and worry about how much we should see and talk to each other. I also suspect I worry about this stuff far too much. Its really hard finding the boundaries though. How much relationship is enough but not too much?

I know he sees me than more than a fuck buddy, someone he has feelings for and that it has evolved into being about more than just sex but what exactly is more? And I feel the same of him but at the end of the day, I'm married to someone else, I'm not a single girl and potential girlfriend. Oh I know we are still very much in an evolutionary phase and probably will be for sometime to come, so much has happened not only in our own lives but together that we are still finding our way.

From where we started as a couple of sneaky-on-the-side adulterers to being able to have a relationship out in the open and in front of everyone has been a heck of journey, one that even after seven months feels very much like its just beginning. So I guess I now can call myself polyamorous, husband in one hand and boyfriend in the other.

Oh and after eleven weeks apart, Mr Big and I finally got to spend sometime together one night last week...

9 comments:

Topaz said...

Open or closed, attached or single, relationships are always hard to define and the rules always change over time... but you seem to be getting on well with him, I mean, there is that meeting with Mr Big you're going to tell us about soon, right? Like, really soon?

:-)

Aurore said...

I second Topaz's comment. Soon? ;)

Me said...

You're such a tease ! I wanna know :)

The Panserbjørne said...

You're not alone. One of things that grimly amuses me about the whole world of sex journaling is that almost everyone involved in a poly or adulterous relationship is struggling to find a label that encapsulates it well. Almost everyone has trouble finding a term that works for them.

I guess the moral of the story is that we're all complex individuals and the situations we get ourselves into can't be labeled so easily. :)

-- PB

CW said...

Nice comment, PB, I agree.

As for the night with Mr. Big....I am excited to hear about it! I have been away from reading everyone far too long!

Vixen said...

Hi :)

I think I worry about this stuff much too much too. I think it's hard not to. I worry about how to juggle each relationship and yet keep them both happy and healthy.

So in other words, I think the road you are on is one that you learn as you go along. Can't wait to hear more.

Btw, your blog has got to be one of my newest favoritest.

*muah* girl

Dewey's System said...

Topaz and Vixen said it all for sure. Just happy that you are here talking about it and are perhaps willing to share this journey of self-discovery, boundaries, polymory, and relationship-evolution.

On a side note it's very nice that you are so damn yummy too. hhmmmm

Kimberly said...

All relationships are always rife with questions - putting more than one in the mix only adds to the asking...but so so worth it!

autumn said...

relationships of any sort are very complicated. no one is quite the same. there is always one who loves more, wants more, needs more. interesting situation to say the very least. i'm glad you will get to spend a little "quality" time. hope it's enjoyable yet stress free as well.

 
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