Big red, little red and the....rock?

Sunday, November 22, 2009

I don't know about the rest of you, but I like to give my sex toys a name, odd perhaps, but an entirely useful thing to do. Especially when your in bed having sex and you turn to the man of the moment and say 'Could you pass me my vibe darling?'

Until I started naming my toys, the response was usually 'Which bloody one??' Hence the naming began....so much easier than them up-ending the drawer on the bed so you could pick one out, bit of a mood killer that kind of thing.

And so the tradition of Big Red and Little Red began. Yes, you did guess correctly, one is big and red and the other is little and red. Little Red is one of those cutesy kind of lipstick clit vibes and Big Red is an industrial sized multi-speed jobbies from the fun factory.

Sadly Big Red is reaching the end of his life span, he has recently started making some alarming clunking noises [does anyone out there service sex toys? more to the point I suppose, would you really want to service it after I have been using it??] and I feel that there is not a lot left in the old boy, time for retirement. He will be kept though, rather useful thing to have in your bedside drawer to brain burglars with!

As much as I have always loved Big Red, he is rather large and a little unwieldy, which is absolutely fine if its a one-on-one situation of just Big Red and I, but if you try and add a third party into the mix, ie the H or Mr Big, well, it all gets rather crowded. Which is how I ended up with Little Red.

I can see some head scratching going on, so let me explain...I am one of those women that don't have mind blowing, earth shattering, house rocking orgasms from penetrative sex alone, shocking I know, apparently 90% of other women out there don't either so I don't feel quite so alone on this. So I like to use a vibrator on myself whilst being fucked in whatever is the position du jour. This way, I cum, he cums and sometimes we all cum together...bit of a win-win really!

And in that kind of situation, Big Red just doesn't quite fit, he's a wee bit big and really only works well doggy style. Enter Little Red who works in pretty much any position, the only down side is that she is a bit cheap and nasty economically challenged and as such, doesn't really have a lot to offer as far as variable speeds etc.. oh and she has a rather pointy end. Which, once again is fine if your on your own but not with someone else. I have always had a deep and abiding fear of stabbing my partner in the cock with her...not a good look leaving your partner with vibe shaped bruises on his manly bits!

So my hunt began for a vibe that wasn't large and unwieldy, didn't have a sharp and pointy end, did have variable speeds and was small enough to fit into the tightest spaces between my partner and I. I was also quite keen to find something that didn't actually scream I'M A SEX TOY at me...I'm not really one of those girls that like the 'all-sing, all-dancing, multi-headed, larger-than-life, industrial sized power tools' that pass as sex toys. Discreet is good.

Enter the rock [the best name I can come up with so far, any better suggestions gratefully accepted!] also known as the Lelo Nea....small enough to fit in the tightest space, multi-speed vibrations, stealthily quiet and able to leap tall buildings in a single bound...ok maybe not the last one, but she does indeed produce mind blowing, earth shattering, house rocking orgasms. Yes I did have to try her out, oh six or seven times in a row, just to be sure!

6 comments:

Southern Sage said...

lol

Looks like that will get'er dun to me.

I think more research is needed though so maybe you should try it another 16-17 times.

Topaz said...

No sharp and pointy there! I've seen a few with a similar shape and wasn't sure of it's performance, but the words 'mind blowing' have reawakened my interest...

Jz said...

Let's see.
There's Blueberry BOB, Sunflower BOB, the Beaded Bandit, Purple Powerhouse...
But no, I have no idea what you mean about naming toys...

(Tiny Tingler work for ya?)

yeah, ok. I won't quit my day job...

Vixen said...

I *HEART* my lelo nea. Not only is it sooooo pretty but VERY functional. *happy sigh*

Advizor said...

We have "Mr. Happy", "Little Red" (no kidding), "Old Blue" and, "The Bunny".

Unfortunately on Mr. Happy comes out to play very often. I'd like more variety.

moresexchocolateandredlipstick said...

I have Mr Big, but that's because it's the name of the toy on the box! The other's don't have names, maybe I should give it some thought!

---Amy xxxx

 
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