Defining relationships

Thursday, July 9, 2009

I am one of those people that like putting things in boxes, labelling things, giving things a name and a definition. With the sexual relationships I have outside of my marriage I like to do the same and I have been pondering if others do this and if they come up with the same labels as me. For me the men in my life fall into three different categories: Fuck buddies, friends with benefits and lovers.

Fuck Buddies: I think this one is pretty self explanatory. You turn up, you fuck, you fuck off. There is no relationship. Just a spark and a desire to get naked together. Nothing more, nothing less. The most simplest and stress free of any type of relationship. For me this was Helicopter guy, a fab fuck buddy to be sure!

Friends with benefits: I always think of this one where you are friends first and foremost and the sex is just a bonus. The original bit on the side is my best example of this. Beyond anything else, we are mates. We enjoying hanging out together, we talk about more than just sex, we share what's going on in our lives. We occasionally get semi-naked and naughty together but its not the be all and end all of our friendship, although it certainly is fun and a huge part of why we are friends!

Lovers: When I think of the word 'Lovers' it conjurers up an idea of intimacy and closeness within the relationship. Where you are more than just friends. There is a spark of attraction for not only the body but the mind. Sex is not just about fucking and getting your needs met but beyond that into a intimate sharing of everything tied together with a bond of something indescribable.

Its almost like graduated levels. You can start as a fuck buddy, become a friend with benefits and evolve to a lover......but its a one way thing, forwards not backwards. You cannot descend from being a lover to a fuck buddy, or can you?


Ms Scarlett said...

In light of my current quandary, I sure hope so!

Advizor said...

Ms Scarlett, this is too funny, I was just about to forward this link to you, I'm glad you found it because you were the first person I thought of.

To answer the final question, it can happen, but it is a treacherous road. Usually it is up or out.

RIV said...

I don't think I've labeled people that way, but I do refer to them by their personality traits, quirks, or hobbies.

I'm inclined to agree with Advisor, but there are times when a downgrade is necessary; they are no longer easily accessable (by distance or scheduling), change in status (s/he or you got married, engaged ), or simply you two enjoy each others company, but don't want to totally break up.

My example of this (sorta) is stormcloud. I was a boyfriend, lover, fuck buddy, lover, then fuck buddy, depending on her marital status. Lol. I think I'm just a friend, now.

Topaz said...

I'm with Ms Scarlett... I really do hope so!
But I tended to keep my platonic friends non-frisky, but was able to downgrade a couple friends-with-benefits to just friends. Better to keep the friendship, right?

Confessor X said...

I've had plenty of experiences where a lover has turned into a fuckbuddy...its all really dependent apon how things changed in your life or the reasonings why the changes happended...obviously, if things went sour and you had to end things with a lover and they came back later in life then yeah, its gonna be just all depends.

great post btw

bdenied said...

yeah that pretty much sums it up.....the wife has a FWB but she has two just plain ole fuck buds...the find her fuck her and forget about her till the next fuck....she says it fulfills her fantasy of being a hooker

Rainy said...

Oh my god... I love this post..

It's so true that it's a one way thing, forwards not backwards, at least in my book.

Anonymous said...

Anon here again--

Something you didn't include: what do you get out of each of these relationships. It surely isn't the sex per se, since a single lover or two would suffice with a Hitachi Wand or Rabbit. And if you really wanted a spirited sex life, you'd go for a much younger lover, and that you haven't done. So what's in it for you? What is it you're really after?

(Hold on a moment while I put on my asbestos suit as the flamers come after me for being anonymous.)

Anonymous said...

I think it goes forwards, not backwards. But, hey, not everyone fits into the categories we put them in!

JB said...

I have tried to explore the FB category in some detail with some other hot wives and husbands of hot wives. The consensus among them is that there HAS to be an emotional connection between the woman and the man when a woman has sex. Does your definition completely exclude emotional connection?

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