Single vs Married

Wednesday, January 21, 2009

I was reading blog the other day about a woman who also has a bit on the side and how she would never involve herself with a married man again and would only be sticking to single men as she couldn't handle the guilt of potentially ruining another marriage. I, on the other hand would never go near a single man and prefer men that are happily married.

Ah, I hear you say, If a man or woman for that matter is happily married why would he/she cheat? well I believe that marriages are like orgasms, so many of them are faked. A person can be in a good, strong and happy marriage and still feel the need for a bit on the side (lack of sex generally). Marriage takes work, lots of hard work and does not come easily or naturally to many people at all (I also think we are not naturally monogamous either, but I will save that one for another soapbox session!).

So after a couple of years of marriage the initial chemical rush of lust has passed and the hard work sets in, usually along with small children, sleepless nights, financial pressure and a whole host of other challenges that every couple face. I believe this is the point where a real marriage is made. It takes more than lust and chemistry to get you through this part. It takes friendship, partnership and building a life together on shared experiences, shared challenges and a certain amount of faking it on both sides to keep the marriage rolling along.

There is a bulletin board out there that dedicated itself to supporting 'the other woman'. Its a fascinating read, but one strong reoccurring theme there is how when the wife finds outs about the affair, the other woman is kicked to the curb and the man rededicates himself to his wife and family. Why does this happen? Because he was reasonable happily married in the first place, sure his wife didn't give him everything he wanted, especially in the bedroom no doubt, but at the end of the day, this couple have many, many years of building a life together, of shared experiences etc... the other woman was just that, the other woman.

Sadly so many men feel the need to lie to their other women, make promises about starting a new life with them, promises they never intend to keep, promises made just to keep her around. Usually because shes single and lets face it, what single woman would really stay with a man when there is no future in their relationship?

That's why I will never have an affair with a single man. I couldn't handle the guilt of ruining his chances of finding 'the one' for him because 'the one' is definitely not me, I'm just there for the sex. And if he does find her, what about me? To me, this option just seems messier and fraught with potential problems. Nah, give me happily married man who is just in it for the sex any day!

Right! Your probably wonder about the point of this little soapbox session? Well I am thinking about adding another to the 'Yummy Mummy Stable of Studs' (has a nice ring to it don't you think?) and that is one of my criteria.......must be married. Anyway, that's a story for another day.......


Confessor X said...

Great post! And I actually agree with what you have to say. Im very happy with where Im at in my relationship with T...just not in the sex department. Im with Ashley for purely sexual reasons, and she knows this...hell, it was HER idea! As far as the other woman in my life, shes there to fuel the naughty desires!!! >:)

I think in life we need different people for different needs...much like friends. I have friends that I goto the movies with, some just to watch sports...some to goto plays and shows with...why should the sex department be any different?!?

Great post, keep up the good work!!

Petal said...

Thank you for your kind words! Nice to know someone else 'gets it'

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