Warning: Bitchy, whiny vent ahead...

How many times can someone bail out of plans you have made with them before you starting thinking its you? Was it something I said, something I did, geez do I smell bad? I know 'life' happens and shit just gets in the way, but really, fuck....

Mr Big has, yet again, 'been unable to make it'. And I'm pissed, seriously pissed [as if you couldn't already guess] and what's even worse is I'm pissed off that I'm pissed off.....this should not be pissing me off! Mind you, I should have known, its Monday. For some reason, Mondays and I just don't mix.

Oh and then he asks if I'm free one night this week instead....well I could be but I'm pissed off and I cant have sex with someone I'm pissed off with [a girl thing I suspect] so that particular little gem has gone unanswered for the moment....it could take several hours [days] for me to cool off enough to formulate a reply.

Oh it just gets better too....I had been writing a post about the original bit on the side finally being out of my life, but no, he's not. He has started a new job today as a general manager for a large company [good for him, he deserves it!] and I rather naively thought that this new job would keep him relatively office bound and too busy to bother with me. Wrong. So far I have been furnished with his new cellphone number [ you can text me any time] and spammed with emails this morning, ok not spamed, they contained some quite outstanding porn clips, but still. He's there....still. I was obviously being a tad preemptive in writing that post!

On the bright side....I have the most gorgeous blueberry and white chocolate muffin and a packet of timtams waiting for me when I get home, no day is so bad that it cant be fixed with chocolate or alcohol or both!

The rules...

I started out on this journey as an accidental adulterer. There were no rules, it was swift and lustful. The original bit on the side and I made up the rules as we went along. Later along the path I embarked on deliberate infidelity and a set of personal rules evolved and developed. The first set of rules that evolved were about the kind of guy I was looking for. I set a basic list of criteria that he had to meet, which can be found here in this post.

And by in large, I stuck to that list of criteria when I chose the guys I was going to sex with. Helicopter guy and Mr Big were selected based on the fact they met all of those points. But what do you do when one of your 'rules' is changed half way through the game?

Which rule you ask....the must be married rule. This is one that I have felt so strongly about I even climbed on my wee soapbox and had a little rant about it in this post. So when Mr Big told me he and his partner were ending their relationship I was stunned. Firstly out of concern for him but secondly because it meant that he was now going to be single. I must have really made my position clear to him on this rule as the second thing out of his mouth after telling me about the demise of his relationship was 'I know you are wanting an "attached" guy, so if this changes things I will understand'.

Huge dilemma. Do I end the relationship because he is now single and I have always said single guys are out? or do I stick with it because I like him and we have a fantastic friendship/relationship?

After giving it a huge amount of thought and talking over my concerns with him too, I decided to hang it in there with him. We have a great thing going and a very clear understanding between us what our relationship is about. His being single isn't going to change that. I still wouldn't choose a single guy over a married one for a fuck buddy but I think he's worth bending this particular rule over...

I'm in lust with....

A porn star....yup you read that right. I have a major attack of the lusties over a porn star. I can't say that too often in my life I have succumbed to girlie crushes and lustful fantasies over a man...there was Jon Bon Jovi when I was a teenager in the '80's [you can stop sniggering now!] Keanu Reeves in the '90's [love the strong silent type!] and now its 'Rocco' - the italian stallion.

Those that know me well, know that I love watching porn. I am not a huge fan of the bulk-made commercial stuff, its too fake and contrived for me. I have a preference for the amateur stuff, love it. So I was over at redtube the other day searching out some amateur gems when a clip caught my eye. After watching it [3 or 4 times] I was in lust....

Now what, you may ask, is it about Rocco that floats my boat? I just love his style, of fucking that is. He actually looks like he's having fun and enjoying himself and the woman he's with, not just workin it for the extra $100 for the cum shot. It doesn't hurt that he's not too bad looking either, most of the guys in porn are well... icky for the want of a better word [think hairy backs, badly done fake tans, scary moustaches] Or maybe it cause he reminds me of Mr Big...

His work is definitely on the more hardcore side of things, so if that offends you, don't go searching for it and then bitch to me that it offended you. But if like me, the harder the better, jump onto redtube and search for Rocco, he's absolutely worth the look!

The best laid schemes of mice and men...

When we think of naughty encounters, we often imagine a joyous reunion of star-crossed lovers in a [fabulous or seedy, depending on budget and circumstances!] hotel room having wonderfully hot, sensual, dirty sex... And 99% of the time, that is no doubt the case. But sometimes its doesn't always quite go to plan. Yup, Mr Murphy with is irritating laws steps in and it all goes rather pear shaped.

Quite recently I had to spend three days working at an event out of town. It was far enough away from home to need to stay away for a couple of nights but close enough to Mr Big for him to be able to come and spend the night with me. The whole night with Mr Big....phew! So I duly book a fantastic room at very high end hotel [Hey work was paying and I'm the boss, so why not!] The big guy and I, spent most of the week getting all hot and steamy via text in anticipation of a whole night together. There was fun to be had and it was going to be GOOD!

Until...I got *that* text. Yeah, the one that says 'So very, very sorry I cant make it...' My tummy dropped in disappointment but at the end of the day, life happens. This was salvageable. I had a beautiful room booked and I could turn this into a *me* night, pamper myself, kick back and enjoy time with me.

So I checked in, ignoring the less than warm and friendly service [read no valet parking, no porter, rude reception....your a how many star hotel??] and sat back on the mine-for-the-night king size bed. Having spent the day on my feet, talking to what felt like a thousand people, I wasn't feeling inclined to troddle down to the 'rave review' restaurant headed up by the 'celebrity chef' and sample the delightful dishes on my own, so I order room service instead.

My 'gourmet' pizza and large glass of wine arrived. All I can say, is at least the wine was fantastic! [Can't beat a good kiwi cab sav!] The pizza? well... I have bought better at the supermarket. A long, soak in a hot bath later and my spirits were restored. I tucked myself into the huge bed [Omg I love hotel sheets, clean sheet day everyday!!] and reflected on my day. No lover, shite service, less than average food....oh well on the bright side it couldn't get any worse!

Until... I woke up the next morning, swung my feet out of bed and landed in several inches of freezing cold water. It had rained rather heavily in the night and flooded out half the ground floor, the half that I was staying in! Needless to say, I did not spend a second night there!

The door shut behind...

The door shut behind you with a firm click of the latch. Leaving me there in the room where we had just made love. I rest my head against the door, as I listen to your footsteps receding into the distance. My eyes close for a brief moment, allowing the past few hours rush through my mind in a jumble of images. Images of you, of I, of us tangled together in a whirlwind of need, longing and lust.

I smile at the now memory of our afternoon together, my lips still aching and swollen from your kisses and nipping teeth. I love the way that you kiss me, explore my mouth with yours, your tongue seeking out mine. Your roughening stubble scraping my chin. Scraping every part of my body that your mouth explores and devours.

As I pull my silky robe closer around me, it brushes across my still hard nipples, reminding me of the way you caressed them with your fingers and then your tongue. Oh those fingers, playing over my nipples as you held me from behind, your cock buried deep inside me, my back arched in pleasure, pushing my breasts into your waiting hands. Your hot breath on my neck.

Sighing deeply, I turn and survey the tangled mess of sheets on the bed. The indent on the pillow where your head lay only minutes before. The scent of you still fills the room, I too, am covered in it. There is a spot on my arm, that even if I haven't been with you for days or weeks, if I press my nose to it, I swear I smell your scent linger there. Erotic, enticing and comforting. You are always there.

I cross the room to gather up my own clothes. I too must leave. I feel the wetness that you left behind trickle between my thighs. There is a jolt of pleasure in my belly at the thought of the way you came deep inside me. My legs carelessly thrown over your shoulders as you dove into me over and over again before letting go with a guttural sound of satisfaction. Your eyes were locked on mine and more was said between us, silently, at that very moment than throughout the whole afternoon.

The door shut behind me...But the memory remains.

Don't forget to check out these other fab bloggers and their delightful, dishy and decadent take on this 'May I seduce you' group post!

Duchess
Hubman
Sheba
Ms Scarlett
Veronica
Enchanted Mistress
Aurore
Topaz
Ronjazz
Autumn
Britni
Library Vixen
Eden's Dragon
Submissively Me
Kimberly
Danimo
Lolita

Defining relationships

I am one of those people that like putting things in boxes, labelling things, giving things a name and a definition. With the sexual relationships I have outside of my marriage I like to do the same and I have been pondering if others do this and if they come up with the same labels as me. For me the men in my life fall into three different categories: Fuck buddies, friends with benefits and lovers.

Fuck Buddies: I think this one is pretty self explanatory. You turn up, you fuck, you fuck off. There is no relationship. Just a spark and a desire to get naked together. Nothing more, nothing less. The most simplest and stress free of any type of relationship. For me this was Helicopter guy, a fab fuck buddy to be sure!

Friends with benefits: I always think of this one where you are friends first and foremost and the sex is just a bonus. The original bit on the side is my best example of this. Beyond anything else, we are mates. We enjoying hanging out together, we talk about more than just sex, we share what's going on in our lives. We occasionally get semi-naked and naughty together but its not the be all and end all of our friendship, although it certainly is fun and a huge part of why we are friends!

Lovers: When I think of the word 'Lovers' it conjurers up an idea of intimacy and closeness within the relationship. Where you are more than just friends. There is a spark of attraction for not only the body but the mind. Sex is not just about fucking and getting your needs met but beyond that into a intimate sharing of everything tied together with a bond of something indescribable.

Its almost like graduated levels. You can start as a fuck buddy, become a friend with benefits and evolve to a lover......but its a one way thing, forwards not backwards. You cannot descend from being a lover to a fuck buddy, or can you?

One door closes....

So there it is.....the story about how I was caught cheating by my husband and the aftermath. But there is one small loose end that needs wrapping up doesn't it? Whatever happened to my 'bits on the side'?

Well... nothing. They are still there. I have somehow inexplicitly ended up with an open marriage. I was more than willing to give up my guys, to wipe the slate clean and start afresh. But my husband pointed out the unlikeliness of me remaining faithful, ad infinitum. He pointed out that it seem to be something I need and want and my infidelity wasn't just only a by-product of our marriage difficulties. Besides, he said, 'Its just so very you'.

So, as one door closes, another one opens....

I know I could and perhaps should add a lot more to this post about how I feel about this and indeed what shape this new open marriage of ours is going to take but I think for now this is enough. I am sure all of the details will emerge over time as I keep blogging....Yup, I'm not going anywhere and neither is my blog! Although, I am left with the dilemma of do I change my blog name and layout or not......argh!!

When its all said and done......

So after the dust had settled what was left standing? Us, just us and a shared history of nearly 18 years together. 18 years of watching each other grow into adulthood, supporting each other through good times and some truly horrible times. 18 years of raising a family together, building a house together, building a business together, building a life together... did we really want to turn our backs on all of that, walk away, start again?

There were tears, tantrums and talking, and oh my god there was plenty of that! But after the dust had settled we both realised that we did have a marriage that was salvageable and more importantly we both wanted to salvage it. We still loved each other, deeply, in fact more so than when we first married. Sure, we had lost sight of each other. Whilst we had grown as individuals we had somehow lost sight of each other at the same time. It happens.

And so we began to repair what we had lost, reconnect with each other, communicate together in way we never had before. Nothing was spared, no stone unturned, no recess unexplored. At times it was a painful thing to do but it wasn't hard. It was all there all along, it just needed pulling out of each other. We have both learnt so many things about each other and indeed ourselves, it has been truly fantastic.

So here I am...I sit here today, still married to the most fantastic man in the world [in my humble opinion] a man that I am so very much still in love with, my best friend and as cheesy as this sounds, my soul mate. Ah, I hear you wonder.....what about the 'bits on the side'?

Well.....