One door closes....

So there it is.....the story about how I was caught cheating by my husband and the aftermath. But there is one small loose end that needs wrapping up doesn't it? Whatever happened to my 'bits on the side'?

Well... nothing. They are still there. I have somehow inexplicitly ended up with an open marriage. I was more than willing to give up my guys, to wipe the slate clean and start afresh. But my husband pointed out the unlikeliness of me remaining faithful, ad infinitum. He pointed out that it seem to be something I need and want and my infidelity wasn't just only a by-product of our marriage difficulties. Besides, he said, 'Its just so very you'.

So, as one door closes, another one opens....

I know I could and perhaps should add a lot more to this post about how I feel about this and indeed what shape this new open marriage of ours is going to take but I think for now this is enough. I am sure all of the details will emerge over time as I keep blogging....Yup, I'm not going anywhere and neither is my blog! Although, I am left with the dilemma of do I change my blog name and layout or not......argh!!

Bursting bubbles....

I am a bubble person, I live in a bubble. No one comes into my bubble and, with great reluctance will I ever step out of it. I have never been a good communicator of my thoughts and feeling to those around me and to those that are close to me. My husband has for many, many years [well since the beginning of our relationship really] told me that I have put up walls around myself and I will not let anyone in. So that is what I mean when I say I live in a bubble.

Something happened in my life a while ago that catapulted me out of my bubble....spectacularly, and life hasn't quite been the same since. Indeed this is not a bad thing, I needed to learn to communicate more and better with the people in my life and I have notice that my blog has/is reflecting this change in me.

As I'm opening up more to those in my life I am doing so here as well. I find that hard, very hard for one that has lived in a bubble for so long.

When I first started this blog, it was only ever written with intention of sharing tales of my sexual adventures inside and outside of my marriage. My random thoughts on infidelity, sex and relationships between men and women. The things that I needed to get out there but were unsuitable for discussion in polite company. Infidelity is a hard secret to keep and very rarely do we have someone we can share it with, all of it. A blog allows for that wonderful, cathartic outlet.

So dear readers, I ask you to bear with me as I step out of my bubble and let all of you into my life and share with you the extraordinary changes and events that have shaped my life this year.I promise I will be back soon with titillating tales of my sexual adventures but first there is some stuff I need to get off my chest!

Biting me on the ass...

I will be the first to admit I am prone to doing stupid shit, lots of it, randomly and often. I am constantly amazed that I somehow manage to get myself through life relatively unscathed given this tendency. Its not that I'm not intelligent, I am if the tests are to be believed of above average intelligence. Its not that I'm not educated, I am, highly. I'm one of those people that is just life stupid with a tendency to speak/do before I think which often compounds my stupidity.

A classic example of this was telling the original bit on the side that since he wouldn't fuck me, 'I was gonna find me another man to fuck'. I would love to be able to blame alcohol or some such other mind altering substance for this outstanding bit of stupidity but no, I only have myself to blame. That sentence flew out of my mouth one day before my brain had even had a chance to process that the mouth was moving and stuff was coming out.

The result of this classic bit of stupidity? The birth of a voyeur.... Yep, after the bit on the side got over his sulking he started prodding me with little pokes of "Have you found someone else yet?". Subtly at first, just an occasional jab here and there, building up until he finally got extremely blunt and caught me at a moment where I compounded my original bit of stupidity with another whopping bit of stupidity by uttering the words "Well as a matter of fact, I have!"

Him: Tell me everything
Me: Why?
Him: I want to know!
Me: Fine, I will type it up and email it to you, too many details for text.

So I did, well actually I didn't, I cheated and took my Helicopter guy post and tweaked it a bit so it didn't actually resemble a blog post and emailed it to him.

Him: Why don't you call in and see me at the office on the way home
Me: Why?
Him: Story time
Me: Eh??
Him: I want to watch your face as your telling me all about how he fucked you.
Me: Oh ok

I'm going to break into my 'Dukes of Hazard' voice-over guy voice here...."Now folks, you just *know* that this is gonna end with trouble" Damn skippy it is!

So I duly turn up at his office on my way home from work, plop myself down opposite him at his co-workers desk and start telling the tale of Helicopter guy. He interjects with lots of questions, craving details which I happily provide.

Him: What was your favourite bit?
Me: Well he did this thing, where he grabbed my hips hard and just fucked me, hard and deep
Him: How exactly?
Me: Well I was on my back and my leg was kinda tucked over his shoulder and his hands.....
Him: I'm not getting it, you need to show me
Me: *massive eye roll* you want me to get on the floor and show you?
Him: *wicked grin* yeah...

Yeah I know, I should be listening to the voice-over guy in my head instead of that stupid damn lust fairy that's dancing and squeaking about on my shoulder telling me "Ooooh someones gonna get lucky, yea ha!" Anyway, next thing I know I'm lying on the floor with the bit on the side having a damn good go and positioning himself the same way HG was. After I finish issuing instructions on *just* how it was, I look up and catch his eye. He leans in and starts kissing me, sucking on my bottom lip, fucking my mouth with his tongue. At the same time he starts dry-humping me [Omg I haven't dry-humped since I was fourteen!]

My hands start crawling inside his shirt, I need to feel him, touch him, taste him, its been too long. Abruptly he stops and rocks back on his heels. With a little smirk he deftly removes my panties and slides a single finger inside me, then two. I rise up and rest myself on my elbows, look down and watch as he fingers me before using his tongue as well to take me to the brink and then finally over the edge.

I tell him to stand up and rest his butt on the desk. On my knees before him, I slowly slide open the zip of this pants, freeing his cock that is straining against his underwear and tentatively lick the few drops of precum that have formed on the head of this cock. With one hand wrapped around his cock I work him in and out of my mouth, trying to get as much of him as I possibly can into my mouth. Then, using my tongue to tease and the pressure of a gentle suck to bring him to the edge before backing off and starting again. The frustration gets to him and I finally push him over the edge and swallow back the cum he shoots into my mouth.

As hes escorting me out the door he says to me 'Tell me the next time he fucks you, I want to know'. The creation of a voyeur & the re-ignition of an affair.....who knows where stupidity will take me next!

Jon, John n Jonathon

Yeah, a bit like Ed, Edd n Eddy but with less boogers I promise you! The only problem with real time blogging is that sometimes stuff (sex) just doesn't happen! And this week its been a little light on the action front.....such is life but busy in other ways. This week, John's have been like buses, none for ages then three come along at once. So let me tell you the story about the 'John's' and how I turned into an email queen!

Jon
Also referred to as IT guy in my previous post. Ahhh another coffee date, gotta love em. There is nothing like the little thrill of excitement and anticipation in meeting a new potential lover and this date was no exception. We hit it off exceptionally well via email and arranged to meet up. This all happened quite quickly which is typical for me, I'm not really an email queen, would rather get the first meeting over and done with in fairly short order instead of to-ing and fro-ing via email. So I meet up with Jon at the cafe, lovely guy, quite cute in a nerdy kinda way. We are chatting happily away over coffee doing the whole 'getting to know you' conversation and part of it goes like this...

Me: So how long have you been married?
Him: Oh just over 5 years
I think to myself, gosh that's not long before you start straying!
Me: Do you have any children?
Him: Yeah two, ones 17 months old and the other is 8 weeks old
I start hearing this little clanging noise in my ear, alarm bells perhaps?
Me: Sooo out of curiosity, why are you looking at dipping your toe outta the marital bed?
Him: Well my wife and I just don't have sex anymore, with her being pregnant and that I have hardly had any sex for nearly a year now.

At this point I think my jaw fell open, I started breathing deeply to try and control the overwhelming urge to speak before I thought (a terrible habit I have) In my eyes, Jon had just lost all of his attractiveness. Now I know I am an adulterer and therefore I am no position to judge others who want to screw around but I have a few morals left and I'm not going to screw a guy who in my opinion should be at home helping out his wife, not having a coffee with me bitching about how hes not getting any. I was his wife once, two small children, sleep deprived with zero sex drive due to circumstances. So instead of letting rip at this guy how he needs to man up, go home and give his wife a foot rub instead of looking for another woman to fuck, I politely made my excuses and bolted for the door. Before I climb off my soapbox, I just have to say in my humble opinion a pregnancy and small children are not a reason to stray, its situational, we all have gone through it, get over it dude, its a dry spell, learn how to wank or something!

John
After my previous meeting with the other Jon, I am now evolving into a bit of an email queen. I'm also developing quite a long check list of 'stuff I need to know' which I throw randomly and haphazardly into conversation before setting up that all important first meeting. I haven't actually met this John yet, the big day is this Tuesday. Woohoo I cant wait! But so far, he's ticking all the right boxes and from his picture I don't think a paper bag will be required.

Jonathon
I met this guy through a slightly different method from the usual (hey you take your men from where you can find em) and I am in full email queen mode now! I am having a huge amount of fun bouncing emails back and forth with this guy. Hes witty, articulate and a lot of fun to chat to......oh and hes tall! I am really looking forward to seeing where this one takes me, but just quietly, I think he's a keeper.

Why I do the things I do.....

There are no doubt as many reasons why people stray from their marriages are there are people that stray. Ask ten people and you will probably get ten different answers. I don't think that one single reason covers it either. Its a complex mix of reasons that is unique to every individual that does this.

So why do I? Well for a start I fell into it. An accidental adulterer if you could call it that. He was there, I was tempted and so it happened. Although I don't think it would have happened if there wasn't something missing in my life though. Lets face it, when we are married, there is temptation everywhere, we don't always act on it, in fact most of the time we don't give it a second thought.

Messing around with the bit on the side made me realise that there was more than just sex missing in my life. Maybe I should rephrase that to, more than just an orgasm missing. Because sex is about so much more than just the orgasm, I can achieve an orgasm on my own with just as much pleasure in a fairly short time frame, no man or mess involved!. No, sex involves touching another person, connecting on a level, sharing yourself and taking from them and lots of other wonderful things that are far beyond just an orgasm.

I was missing that touching, that sharing, that connecting with another person just as much as I was missing a good hard fuck. Its not like my H doesn't touch me, he does. He cuddles and kisses me and randomly touches me just for the hell of it. We don't have sex as often as I would like, obviously, but the sex we do have is fantastic and satisfying. But I miss the, well, intimacy that goes with having sex.

The other reasons I look for it elsewhere are ego and selfishness. Usually not nice traits that we want to think about in our personalities. But if I am honest with myself, I love having my ego stroked by the fact another man finds me attractive, wants to fuck me. There is nothing that will bolster your self esteem like it! (other than incredibly sexy lingerie that's very flattering)

I'm also a selfish creature, that's not to say that I'm not giving and generous person, but I am also inherently selfish. I know the difference between wants and needs and I choose to selfishly believe that some of my wants are needs instead, why else would I screw around on my H.

There are a whole lot more reasons why I dip my toe out of the marital bed, these are probably just the major ones. Its hard to look inwards and reason out why I do this, instead of just dismissively saying 'because I can'. But I think if you gain anything at all out infidelity, it should at least be a better understanding of yourself (and secondly some seriously good sex!)